Thursday, October 6, 2011

Greetings Laff Lovers,

Clean Laffs Joe was complaining that he needed to buy some new clothes for a big date he had planned for the weekend.

"I need something that will make me look metrosexual, but not androgynous or effeminate. Wait a minute, is that what retrosexual is? I'm confused by what's hip and trendy now-a-days.

"TZ!" he accosted me, "What do you call a hip, well-dressed, well-groomed guy now-a-days; metrosexual or retrosexual?"

"I don't know," I answered. "I'm not metrosexual or retrosexual. I'm just a poor asshole who works all the time, gets screwed out of his taxes and doesn't have any money left at the end of the month. What's the name for me?"

Joe shrugged his shoulders, "American?"

Patriotically,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com



Q. What's the difference between a woman and a fridge?
A. A fridge doesn't fart when you pull your meat out!



I failed my audition as Romeo through a misunderstanding over a stage direction. In my script it clearly said: "Enter Juliette from the rear."



A man was talking to his doctor. "Listen doc, I heard that you were compassionate towards helping a person out that is in pain and suffering. I heard that you could give a shot to euthanize and relieve all that."

The doctor said, "I can perform that service if the pain and suffering is too unbearable for the patient. How long have you been suffering?"

"Twenty years doc." said the man.

"Ok, it sounds like you want out of your misery." said the doctor.

"Great!" said the man, "My wife is in the waiting room, can you put her down now?"



"Pseudoscience describes theories that sound like science but are actually just made up, like aromatherapy or biorhythms or love." -Craig Ferguson



*** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***
It's Available. THE Laffaday Book... Check it out, it's 91 cents! (plus s&h). For more info or to order visit: THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ



The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex...

Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family, she consulted the family doctor.

The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.

Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the mother told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms.

The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother, saying, "Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!"