Thursday, December 26, 2013

Greetings Laff Lovers,

The weather has been keeping me and mine indoors lately, and I gotta tell you, it blows. My kids are out of control and my wife is a nervous wreck. Why can't life be like it is in the movies? And by 'the movies' I mean a good and raunchy porn.

In my mind's eye the holidays would find the kids eagerly planning a surprise for mom and dad downstairs, while mom and dad are upstairs in a 69. Things would take their natural course with whips, chains, masks, candle wax and plenty of lube, and we would finish with a pretty sloppy ending involving my wife's chest, face, hair and a picture of her sister in lingerie.

But, NOOOOOOOO! None of that for ol' TZ. I guess I'll just continue to live my Mittyesque existence and hope my kids don't put me in an old folks home before I'm 60.

Ho ho holy,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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"A new survey shows that the more female you are physically, the harder it is to be taken seriously in business. For example, women with very large breasts have a harder time being promoted than women with penises."



A guy walks in and sits down at a bar. The side of his face is bruised and bleeding so the bartender asks, "What in the world happened to you, buddy?"

The guy says "Oh, I got in a fight with my girlfriend and I called her a two-bit whore."

"Yeah," says the bartender. "What did she do?"

"She hit me with her bag of quarters!"



Two old ladies are sitting on the porch at the old folk's home. One turned to the other and asked "Martha, you were married a long time, did you and your husband have mutual orgasm?"

The other little old lady sat and rocked for a minute and said, "No, no, I think we had State Farm."



A Catholic buddy of mine was telling me about his recent trip to confession.

"It was surreal," he said. "I went into the confessional and said, 'forgive me father for I have sinned. It's been two weeks since my last confession and in that time I've been impatient with my wife and children.'

The priest issued a penance of 5 Our Fathers and absolved me. I was so shocked," he said, "that I blurted, 'Wow, Father, that's a nice, light penance.'

The priest said, "Well, it's not like you were butt-fucking.'"