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Thursday, February 11, 2016

Greetings Laff Lovers,

I was reading a story today about how the U.S. federal unfunded liabilities amounts to nearly $127 trillion, dwarfing our piddling $19 Trillion in real, or should I say immediate national debt.

It got me to thinking about the house of cards that is not only our domestic economy but the global economy, about how the entire charade is kept solvent on a day-by-day basis by the constant creation of mountains of debt that will never be able to be paid off, about how all that debt is doing nothing but taking money out of my pocket and putting into the pockets of billionaire, international bankers, about how my 401k could be decimated at any time and my Social Security is being bankrupted, about how all of this is being done in collusion with my own government, and how the only real investments a person can make is in gold and bullets.

And then I remembered that none of that is funny.

So, "Knock-knock!"

"Who's there?"

"The NSA."



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"It's Mardi Gras in New Orleans. This is the night when women traditionally penalize their fathers for not paying enough attention to them by exposing themselves to strangers in exchange for beads." -Jimmy Kimmel

My girlfriend and I were making love last night when she looked up at me and said, "Make love to me like in the movies". So I turned her over on all fours, pulled her hair, stuck it in her ass, pulled it out, flipped her back over and came all over her face and hair.

She cried.

I guess we don't watch the same kind of movies.

"A woman here in New York claims that her blind date stole her iPhone and her wallet. She was like, 'I have to get that iPhone back I mean, what if he calls?'" -Jimmy Fallon

Why Italian Fathers and Grandfathers pass their handguns down through the family.

An old Italian man is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, Guido, I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated .38 revolver so you will always remember me."

"But grandpa, I really don't like guns.. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?"

"You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da family business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple-a bambinos."

"Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with anudder man. "Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, 'time's up'?"

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