Monday, March 19, 2012

Greetings Laff Lovers,

I like reading quotes. Sometimes they are silly and sometimes profound, but always they reveal the thinking of the author.

Frequently a bit of meaning is lost if we don't have the context in which the statement was uttered. For example, if we didn't know that Neil Armstrong was climbing down the ladder about to be the first man to step foot on the moon, then we might not be so impressed with his quote, "One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind."

If we didn't know the success of Julius Caesar in reforming Rome to his own designs, then we might think he was a blowhard for saying, "I came, I saw, I conquered."

So when I came across this quote from Albert Einstein that I had never seen before: "Where there is love, there are no questions" I took it upon myself to do the research to discover the context in which he said it. Here's what I found:

Albert was on the couch in his uncle's living room in Berlin making out with his cousin Elsa. He put his hand on her breast and she sighed and shivered. He slipped his hand under her skirt and she protested.

"Ich nine bine mine twat!" she said breathing heavily, (which means, 'please, no, we are first cousins and our union would be questionable.')

Albert reportedly undid his zipper, pulled out his hairy, shriveled little pecker, and said the now famous, "Where there is love, there are no questions."

Historically,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: mailto:tz@gophercentral.com

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"Spring break is the week where college students get a much-needed break from binge drinking in Nebraska and go to binge drink in Florida." -Jimmy Kimmel



A young Catholic girl went to confession and said to the priest, "I'm pregnant."

He asked, "How did this happen, my child?"

She said, "I think it must be the second coming."

The priest, shocked by this reply asked, "What makes you think this has anything to do with the Second Coming?"

"Because," she replied, "I swallowed the first one."



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A mortician was working late one night.

He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen!

"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician commented, "I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity."

So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.

"I have to show you something you won't believe," he said to his wife, opening his briefcase.

"My God!" the wife exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead?"