Thursday, February 18, 2010
Greetings Laff Lovers,
TZ, I'm afraid you are hopeless! I'm sure
your mom taught you to have respect for
women. Your wife must be one brave soul!!
LOL Why don't ya surprise her this
Valentines Day with something she could
actually show your children!!! And while
you're at it, how about something for your
mom and your daughters too!! I think they
fully deserve some recognition for putting
up with you!! LOL Wishing you and yours
a very Happy Valentines Day! -Debbie
Debbie, a toe-curling orgasm for my wife is a gift to the
whole family. Because when Mama is happy, everybody is happy.
By the way, there are other punctuation marks besides the
exclamation point. Just throwing that out there as an option.
Grammatically,
TZ
Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in
your family at this link: mailto:tz@gophercentral.com
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"PETA was outside the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show last
night protesting. They want the dogs to stop wearing fur."
-David Letterman
A man and his girlfriend are having a sexual encounter. He
asks her to "go downtown" so, with a sigh, she gets on her
knees in front of him and starts peering at his genitals,
looking and tipping her head this way and that, studying
the whole business.
After a couple minutes of this, he asked her in a sort of
peeved voice, "Well, what are you doing?"
She said, "I'm doing what I always do when I'm downtown with
no money - just looking."
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As you know, Neanderthal man may have interbred with modern
man. His descendants are with us even today, passing for
full-blooded Homo sapiens.
If you suspect a "touch of the old hand ax" in your ancestry,
score yourself on this test:
1. Do your eyebrows meet in the middle? If so, give yourself
five points.
2. Can you lock your knees in an upright position? If not,
take five points.
3. Got a chin? If the answer is no, add three points.
4. How about a forehead? If not, add another three points.
5. Is it easy for you to balance a book on your head? Then
give yourself five points.
6. Do you ever open Coke bottles with your teeth? If you do,
add ten points.
7. Are you frequently more comfortable squatting on your
heels than sitting in a chair? Take five points.
8. Is your head attached vertically to your neck? If not,
add one point for every five degrees of slope.
9. Less than five feet tall? Add one point for every inch
under.
10. If your lower arm is shorter than your upper arm, add
one point for every inch of difference.
11. Ditto for your lower and upper legs.
12. Pigeon-toed? Five points.
13. Have you ever felt like bashing a postal clerk with a
club? You're normal--no points.
14. Is the space between your big toe and your other toes
big enough to hold an apple? Add five points.
15. Do you regularly eat apples in this way? Add fifteen
points.
16. Do people think you're wearing your hair in a bun when
you're not? Give yourself ten points.
17. Can you count your vertebrae while wearing two sweaters
and an overcoat? Take five more points.
18. Is your nickname "Duke", "Butch", or "Animal"? Three
points.
Scroll down for your score....
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Scoring:
0-20 points:
You are a virtually pure Homo sapiens. Feel free to build
bridges, compose symphonies, and overrun the world.
20-40 points:
A slight Neanderthal strain means that you will occasionally
have spells of primitive behavior, crawling around on all
fours and whooping wildly. If you live in California, no one
will notice.
40-60 points:
You can still function quite well in the modern world, but
avoid eating in fancy restaurants lest your table manners
give you away.
60-80 points:
Your Pleistocene heritage is predominant. You should consider
a career in pro football.
80-100 points:
Unfortunately, your genetic makeup is Grunt City; there is no
place for you in human society. Try running for public office
instead.
Email TZ at: mailto:tz@laffaday.com
P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the
new Laffaday forum here... http://laffaday.gophercentral.com
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*** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***
It's Available. The Laffaday Book... Check it out, it's
F-R-E-E (you pay s&h). For more info or to order visit:
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