Monday, November 29, 2010
Greetings Laff Lovers,
Has everybody recovered from Thanksgiving? I haven't. I don't
know why I did it...but something possessed me to have a
turkey sandwich for breakfast this morning. And now I'm
regretting it. Maybe it wasn't just the turkey sandwich, but
the stuffing I put on it and all the gravy I soaked it in.
Probably not the best way to start out the day, but when I
start eating turkey I just can't seem to stop!
Regretfully,
TZ
Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in
your family at this link: mailto:tz@gophercentral.com
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"A new study found that dogs are smarter than cats because
their friendliness has helped them develop bigger brains.
Cat people would complain about the findings, but that would
involve interacting with other humans." -Jimmy Fallon
The Polack was getting friendly with the woman at the bar.
She rubbed up against him and, to her surprise, she felt
something thick and rock hard. She invited him back to her
place and took him into the bedroom.
But when he pulled off his pants, she was shocked to see a
foot-long length of steel pipe between his legs. "How did
you get that?" she demanded.
The Polack said, " A couple of months ago my penis began
dripping."
She asked, "So you went to a doctor?"
"The doctor was too expensive. So I called a plumber."
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"Life without sex might be safer but it would be unbearably
dull. It is the sex instinct which makes women seem
beautiful, which they are once in a blue moon, and men seem
wise and brave, which they never are at all. Throttle it,
denaturalize it, take it away, and human existence would be
reduced to the prosaic, laborious, boresome, imbecile level
of life in an anthill." -Henry Louis Mencken
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For all you single women torn with this dilemma when on a
date, here are the DEFINITIVE answers:
If SHE wants to sleep with him, then it's a date HE pays.
If SHE doesn't want to sleep with him and if SHE's a nice
person who wants the "just friends" message to get through
loud and clear SHE pays for herself and insists on it.
If SHE doesn't want to sleep with him and if SHE's a nice
person but HE's rich HE pays but SHE offers.
If SHE doesn't want to sleep with him, SHE's not a nice
person, and HE's rich HE pays.
If SHE doesn't want to sleep with him, SHE's not a nice
person, and HE's not rich HE pays.
If HE pays but SHE doesn't want to seem like a freeloader
SHE offers to help, HE refuses, SHE says she'll get the
drinks or coffee later.
If HE's cheap HE asks her to split the bill.
If HE's broke, they're close, SHE's not a nice person, and
they're going to a good place SHE feigns indifference to
the financial catastrophe that awaits him. HE pays.
If HE's broke, they're close, SHE's a nice person, and
they're going to a good place SHE slips him the money
before they get to the restaurant.
If HE's broke, they're close, SHE's nice, and they're going
to a cheap place SHE pays.
If HE's broke, they're close, SHE's not nice, and they're
going to a cheap place SHE suddenly realizes that SHE has
to stay home and wash her hair...forever.
If SHE asked him out, it's his birthday, and they're in
love SHE pays.
If SHE asked him out and it's not his birthday but HE knows
what's good for him SHE starts to pay, HE protests, SHE
gives in.
If HE's a guy with any interest in seeing her again HE pays.
Period.
Email TZ at: mailto:tz@laffaday.com