Monday, January 28, 2013

Greetings Laff Lovers,

Here is a great example of what's wrong with America. The other day I stopped at a local burger joint out here by the office because they had sent me a whole sheet of coupons in the mail, and the burgers are pretty good. So I tore the coupon I wanted off the sheet and walked up to the door.

Standing there, right by the entrance, was a man arguing with his three little kids. "You and Sally are gonna have to share a hamburger," I overhear him saying, "and nobody gets any sodas! I don't have enough money."

Struck by a moment of altruism and philanthropy I said, "Hey buddy, if you're interested I have almost a whole sheet of coupons for this place. Free sides, free pops, free ice cream cones. Hang on a second, I'll get it out of my car."

I jogged back, grabbed the sheet off of the front seat and walked back over to him. "Here you go," I said holding it out to him, "take whatever ones you want."

He glanced at the sheet and then at the coupon in my other hand for buy one delux cheeseburger, get one free and said, "I like the one you got!"

So I told him to go fuck himself.

Disillusionedly,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

P.S. Are you on Facebook? If you are, check out the Deal of the Day fan page. You get exclusive offers and a new deal every day. It is easy to become a fan, just click here and hit the like button... 'Like' Deal of the Day Here



A friend said there was nothing worse than waking up with a sore head and less money than you thought you had.

I said, "Could be worse, you could have a sore ass and MORE money than you thought you had."



A couple decided to rent a cabin in Alaska for a romantic weekend. When they got to the cabin it was so cold the wife asked her husband to go chop some wood for the fire place.

He comes in after 5 minutes and told his wife that his hands were cold, so she put his hands between her thighs to warm them. After a few minutes he goes back outside to finish chopping wood.

He came in after another 5 minutes and said, "Honey my hands are cold again!" So once again she tells him to put his hands between her thighs to warm them.

Back outside he goes only to come in again after 5 minutes to announce, "Honey my hands are cold again."

"Dammit!" she yells, "Don't your ears ever get cold?"



"A report shows smoking marijuana can help eliminate diarrhea. It's true. The finding was called significant by doctors and a win-win by Taco Bell." -Conan O'Brien



A sexually active middle aged woman informed her plastic surgeon that she wanted her vaginal lips reduced in size because, over the years they have become loose and floppy.

Out of embarrassment, she insisted that the surgery be kept secret and, of course, the surgeon agreed.

Awakening from the anesthesia, she found 3 roses carefully placed beside her on the bed.

Outraged, she immediately called in the surgeon.

"I thought I specifically asked you not to tell anyone about my operation"!

The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and that the first rose was from him. "I felt so sad for you, because you went through this all by yourself."

"The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me in the surgery and understood perfectly, as she had the same procedure done some time ago."

"And what about the third rose?" she asked.

"That's from a man in the burn unit - he wanted to thank you for his new ears."