Monday, February 18, 2013Greetings Laff Lovers,
You know what pisses me off? Fruit trays brought into the office to celebrate things like Valentine's Day or birthdays.
I mean, what the fuck, really? It used to be that these bitches would compete with each other by making the sweetest, most fattening, chocolate soaked shit in the world. Now it's sliced kiwi, two kinds of plums, grapes, cantaloupe, apples, peaches and clementines. I mean it's just sickening.
I am hereby outlawing the celebration of any event or occasion in this office unless we revert back to our less healthy habits and bring in sweets from all over the world again.
I'm fed up. First it was office handjobs that went the way of the dodo, and now it's chocolate cake. Enough is enough.
Cravingly,
TZ
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tz@gophercentral.comP.S. Are you on Facebook? If you are, check out the Deal of the Day fan page. You get exclusive offers and a new deal every day. It is easy to become a fan, just click here and hit the like button...
'Like' Deal of the Day HereA wife says to her husband, "You're always pushing me around and talking behind my back."
He says, "What do you expect? You're in a wheel chair!"
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing.
And never under any circumstances expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism.
(F.Y.I. guys--cumin is a spice and not a bodily function)
A buddy of mine has just told me he's getting it on with his girlfriend and her twin. I said, "How can you tell them apart?"
He said, "Her brother's got a mustache."
ADULT SEX QUIZ Q.) What doesn't belong in this list: Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob?
A.) Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs, or wife, but you can't beat a blowjob.
Q.) Why does a penis have a hole in the end?
A.) So men can be open minded.
Q.) What's the speed limit of sex?
A.) 68 because at 69 you have to turn around.
Q.) What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?
A.) The longer you play with them, the harder they get.
Q.) What's the difference between your paycheck and your dick?
A.) You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!
Q.) Three words to ruin a man's ego...
A.) "Is it in?"
Q.) What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A.) A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.
Q.) How can you tell when an auto mechanic just had sex?
A.) One of his fingers is clean.
Q.) What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
A.) Melt them down make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.
Q.) What do bungee jumping and hookers have in common?
A.) They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed.