Thursday, July 4, 2013Greetings Laff Lovers,
I had just a brilliant idea. Every year I sneak across the border to Indiana and buy a hundred bucks or so worth of fireworks for the Fourth of July. Nothing military grade, just fifty packs of Black Cats, a gross of bottle rockets, a few dozen Roman Candles, etc... The kids always enjoy them.
But this year I have firearms! Why waste the time and money on fireworks when I can get the same amount of entertainment from a $25 box of ammunition?
What could possibly go wrong?
Practically,
TZ
Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link:
tz@gophercentral.comP.S.
EVTV1 is back and better than ever! This video portal was created to weed through the online clutter to bring you the best animal video clips...funniest videos...most popular...PLUS the most unusual. New videos are added daily!
My wife just came in all flustered and said, "I don't know if I am coming or going."
I said to her, "Judging by the look on your face, you must be going - 'cuz when you're coming, you look like a fucking Down Syndrome kid trying to whistle!"
Ammo is getting scarce! This morning I lucked out and was able to buy two boxes of ammo. I placed the boxes on the front seat and headed back home, but stopped at a gas station where a drop-dead gorgeous blonde in a short skirt was filling up her car at the next pump.
She glanced at the two boxes of ammo, bent over and leaned in my passenger window, and said in a sexy voice, "I'm a big believer in barter, big fella. Would you be interested in trading sex for ammo?"
I thought for a few seconds and asked, "What kind of ammo 'ya got?"
"Paula Deen's new cookbook is already on Amazon's best-seller list. As a result, Rachael Ray declared that she's not crazy about Mexicans." -Conan O'Brien
A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by. He Got into the taxi, and said, "Perfect timing. You're just Like Andrew"
Cabbie: "Who?"
Passenger: "Andrew Sullivan. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like your coming along when I needed a cab, things happen like that to Andrew Sullivan, every single time."
Cabbie: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."
Passenger: "Not Andrew Sullivan. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."
Cabbie: "Sounds like he was something really special."
Passenger: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Andrew Sullivan, he could do everything right."
Cabbie: "Wow. Some guy then."
Passenger: "Yep, and he really knew how to treat a woman. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Andrew Sullivan."
Cabbie: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"
Passenger: "Well, I never actually met Andrew. He died. I'm married to his damned widow."