Thursday, January 21, 2016
Greetings Laff Lovers,
I was just reading an article about what everyone gets paid in the porn industry because I'm sick and tired of politics and I can't look at actual porn while I'm at the office (before five o'clock anyway). You wouldn't think it would make interesting reading, but the article actually had a few surprises in it.
First of all, the one thing everybody is really interested in anyway; what 'actresses' make. This all depends on a number of things like; how well-known they are, what acts they are performing and how good their agent is.
An unknown girl performing straight, missionary position sex with a cum-shot on the tits will make maybe 300 bucks. A well-known and popular actress performing some really disgusting fetish shit, maybe involving an octopus or a guy with three dicks or something, can earn as much as $1,500 or $2,000. So let's average it out and call it a thousand bucks per shoot. If a girl does one shoot a week, more or less, she would be making about $50,000 a year. I don't know, but that seems kind of low for having herpes and chlamydia sprayed all over your face for a living.
Over all, guys tend to earn a little less than the women because who cares.
Now here's the fun part. Porn writers can make up to 3 or 4 hundred dollars PER DAY! I have been watching porno for decades and I never even knew they had writers.
I don't mean to sound too excited or optimistic, but this might be a new career path for me. Tell me what you think of this:
INT. PRIVATE OFFICE.
College girl wearing a black leather mini skirt, thigh-high stockings and a bikini top walks in to be interviewed by a handsome, successful Internet blogger for an internship.
"I have a very thorough vetting process. I want to make sure you can handle the position I have in mind."
"I'm willing to bend over backward to handle anything you want to give me."
30 minutes of embarrassingly graphic circus sex.
"I'm very impressed with your qualifications. The internship is yours."
"Oh, thank you! I can't wait for my first day. By the way, do you have anything for the other girls on my gymnastics team?"
Well, it's a rough draft. But I'm willing to talk to any producers out there.
Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: firstname.lastname@example.org
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"A new scientific report suggests that if only one man and woman were left on Earth, they could repopulate the world. The report concludes with the creepy line 'so what do you say, Janice?'" -Conan O'Brien
My wife was screaming at me: "Leave! Get out of this house!" she ordered. "I never want to see you again!"
As I was walking out the door she yelled, "I hope you die a slow and painful death!"
So I turned around and replied, "So now you want me to stay?"
"Scientists are saying that the testosterone patch could help women increase their sex drive. Unfortunately, the beard that comes with it is kind of a turn off." -Craig Ferguson
A Scottish Jew decided to retire and take up golf, so he applied for membership at a local golf club.
About a week later he received a letter that his application has been rejected. He went to the club to inquire as to why.
Secretary: You are aware that this is a Scottish golf club?
Scottish Jew: Aye, but I'm as Scottish as you are, ma'am, my name is MacTavishstien.
Secretary: Do you know that on formal occasions we wear a kilt?
Scottish Jew: Aye, I do know, and I wear a kilt too.
Secretary: You are also aware, that we wear nothing under the kilt?
Scottish Jew: Aye, and neither do I.
Secretary: Are you also aware, that the members sit naked in the steam room?
Scottish Jew: Aye, I also do the same.
Secretary: But you are a Jew?
Scottish Jew: Aye, I be that.
Secretary: So, being Jewish, you are circumcised, is that correct?
Scottish Jew: Aye, I be that, too.
Secretary: I am terribly sorry, but the members just would not feel comfortable sitting in the steam room with you, since your privates are different from theirs.
Scottish Jew: Ach, I know that you have to be a Protestant to march with the Orangemen. And I know that you have to be a Catholic to join the Knights of Columbus. But this is the first time I've heard that you have to be a complete prick to join a golf club!