Monday, January 16, 2012

Greetings Laff Lovers,

Everyone is having babies. One of the girls at work, my relatives, the neighbors--one baby, twins, triplets...Man am I glad I'm done with that. Even the memories of those days make me break out in a cold sweat.

I remember I was standing next to my wife as she had an ultrasound done. The nurse was cooing, "There's the liddle head, those are the feetsies..."

"Wow," I interrupted pointing at something large on the screen, "is that his dick?"

"Boy, TZ," my wife said, "you sure know how to ruin a moment."

"Oh, that's okay," the nurse said," it's common for people to mistake the forearm for the penis. Would you like to know the sex of the baby?"

"No," I said, "but can you tell me who the father is?"

Reminiscing-ly,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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Then there was the guy who explained why he wasn't interested in visiting a topless bar: "If you've seen two, you've seen them all."



Stopping to pay a call on some suburban constituents, the alderman found they were having a party and volunteered to return at a more convenient time.

"Don't go," the host begged. "We're playing a game that you might enjoy. We blindfold the women and then they try to guess the identity of the men by feeling their genitals."

"How dare you suggest such a thing to a man of my dignity and position?" the politician roared.

"You might as well play," the host urged. "You're name's already been guessed three times."



Women are just like orange juice cartons. Its not the shape or the size that matters, or even how sweet the juice is. It's all about getting those fucking flaps open.



*** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***
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One morning a man comes into the church on crutches. He stops in front of the holy water and splashes some of it on both of his legs, then throws away his crutches.

An altar boy witnessed the scene and runs into the rectory to tell the priest what he'd just seen.

Without batting an eye, the priest says, "Son, you've just witnessed a miracle. Tell me, where is this man?"

"Over by the holy water, Father. Flat on his ass."