Monday, February 20, 2012

Greetings Laff Lovers,

So I took off last Friday and Lewis and I drove downstate to watch the high school state wrestling championships. And before anybody makes any ignorant comments about me spending two days watching sweating teenage boys rolling around with each other, you should know that I wrestled in both high school and college and made it to state three years. So I have a vested interest. And Lewis, well, Lewis just likes to get out of the house.

I should admit that I enjoy the time away from the family too. It's guy bonding time. We discuss sports and competition and rehash the glory days of our youths when we were giants among grasshoppers and our potential was unlimited.

So Friday afternoon we got to town, got our hotel room, went out for an earl dinner and relaxed, because the wrestling started early.

Saturday morning we got to the college, got our seats and settled in for a solid twelve hours of competition.

Right around ten o'clock in the morning I see my brother working his way through the crowd toward our seats. He told me he might come, so I wasn't surprised, but just as I got up to greet him who should I see trotting along behind him but my 11-year-old son!

"Hey! How is the wrestling going?" he said slapping me on the back.

"What the hell is the boy doing here?" I whispered in his ear while I gave him a hug.

"Oh, I stopped by your house this morning before I left and he said he wanted to come. Your wife didn't mind."

"Of course she didn't mind, you idiot, why should she mind getting him out of her hair for two days? That's exactly the reason I left him behind!"

We were whispering this conversation in each other's ears while still hugging in the stands and people were starting to look at us.

But at that point there was nothing I could do. He was there, and the very first thing he said to me wasn't, "Daddy!" Or, "Wow! This looks exciting. Can you teach me how to wrestle?"

He said, "Can I have five dollars for ice cream?"

I couldn't help thinking of Jackie Gleason's famous line from the movie "Smokey and the Bandit" when he tells his son, "As soon as I get home the first thing I'm gonna do is punch your momma in the mouth."

Paternally,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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A newspaper editor received this note from a reader:

"My wife was about to file for a divorce when she read the article in your paper about the importance of giving second chances in making a marriage work. So she changed her mind about the divorce. Effective today, cancel my subscription to your paper"



Hi TZ, just to prove brits have a sense of humour.

If the average dick is 5 inches, the average vagina is 6 inches, the population of the UK is around 60 million, with 30 million women.

6-5 = 1 1x30,000,000 divide by 12 = 2,500,000.

That means there is 2500000 feet of unused cunt walking around the UK, we have 6 feet two of it at work.

He's a salesman called Keith.

cheers,

Paul



"My goodness!" complained the wife to her husband, "I come home with a little cum in my hair and right away you jump to conclusions."



*** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***
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One night, a horny old geezer decides to get himself a hooker. Since the man doesn't have much money, he looks for the cheapest prostitute in the nearest Red Light District. A short while later, he finds what he's looking for and spends $20 on her.

The next morning, the old geezer wakes up and discovers he has the crabs. So, he gets dressed and heads down to where he had been the night before.

He notices the same hooker on the street corner so he marches over and says, "Hey! You gave me the crabs last night!"

The hooker replies, "What did you expect for $20, lobster?"