Thursday, December 8, 2011

Greetings Laff Lovers,

Have you heard about these so-called designer babies? New proposals in Great Britain would allow for parents to be given the right to choose the sex of their baby, among other things, if passed into law.

Let me come right out and state that this is just plain wrong. And here's the reason... If this becomes a common practice in the United States, in 25 years there won't be any hotties to hit!

Look at it this way, if you're about to become a father and you start thinking about the advantages and disadvantages of both boys and girls, you're going to start thinking about all of the things you can pass on to your son, all of the experience you've gained and all of the life lessons you've learned.

You're going to start thinking about all of the bonding that will take place, going to that first ball game, telling him to buck up and teaching him how to throw a right cross when he comes home with a bloody nose from his first fight. Telling him if he wants to borrow the car he'd better damn well get his ass out there and get a job so he can pay for his own dammed gas.

When you start considering a little girl all you're going to be thinking about is how some seventeen-year-old pervert is going to feed her a few beers when she's fourteen, lure her into the back seat of his Camero, and then fill your little princess up with a load of man-juice while she's drooling vomit on herself before leaving her, with her pants still unbuttoned, unconscious on your front porch.

Is it going to be worth it when you can just pay a couple thousand dollars to guarantee a boy?

Pretty much the only chicks will be coming from lesbian couples who want to raise a little dyke of their own, and you're probably not going to be hitting that anyway, and from single mothers who want a little girl on whom to lavish all the affection that their mothers never gave them, but who they just end up psychologically abusing anyway.

When I'm 65 I want there to be plenty of nineteen and twenty-year-old bimbos with low self-esteem running around looking for a little attention and recognition from an understanding and affectionate father-figure. So let's leave genetic engineering to God, shall we?

Naturally,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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A bar in NYC is installing a breathalyzer. If your drunk, it advises you not to drive. If you're really, really drunk, it advises you not to call your old girlfriend.



Also known as 'women's intuition,' this sixth sense thing is no myth. Women seem to know what's going on in their man's lives almost better than they do.

Why is this?

In the early 80's researchers discovered that women have more connections between the brain's two hemispheres than men do. It's these connections that allow them to put together a puzzle from seemingly unconnectable pieces...

That, and they go through your shit while you're in the shower.




When my wife came home Sunday afternoon to find the kitchen and living room a mess, the laundry still in a pile by the washer and me on the couch having done nothing but drink beer and watch football all day, she yelled, "Watch yourself, mister, or you're going to make me do something I don't want to do."

"Wow," I thought, "I can't believe I'm going to get a blowjob out of this."



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A dog lover, whose bitch was 'in heat' agreed to look after her neighbour's male dog while they were away on holiday.

She had a large house and believed that she could keep them apart, but as she was drifting off to sleep one night, she heard awful howling sounds. She rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together, in obvious stress and unable to disengage, as can sometimes happen when they mate.

She was unable to separate them and was worried as what to do next. Although it was late at night, she called the Vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice.

Having explained the problem to him, the Vet advised, "Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the sound of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and be able to withdraw."

"Do you think that will work?" she asked doubtfully.

"Why not? It just did for me." He replied.