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Thursday, March 6, 2014Greetings Laff Lovers,
The other day I was listening to a friend of mine going off on the French.
"They hate us," he raved, "which is fine, because the feeling is mutual. They're all a bunch of cigarette-smoking, beret-wearing socialists who drink their own pee. French chicks don't even shave their legs or armpits, did you know that?"
"Maybe," I countered, "but the French were our buddies during the Revolutionary War. They helped us gain our independence from England and gave us the Statue of Liberty."
"Yeah? What have they done for us lately?"
I thought about it for a moment, "They gave us Tcheky Karyo and Gerard Depardieu."
"Who's Tcheky Karyo?"
"He's the guy who played that French major in 'The Patriot' with Mel Gibson."
"Yeah, he was pretty good in that."
"See what I mean?"
"But he's probably a homo."
Unconvincingly,
TZ
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GopherArchives"It's Mardi Gras in New Orleans. This is the night when women traditionally penalize their fathers for not paying enough attention to them by exposing themselves to strangers in exchange for beads." -Jimmy Kimmel
A man and his girlfriend are having a sexual encounter. He asks her to "go downtown" so, with a sigh, she gets on her knees in front of him and starts peering at his genitals, looking and tipping her head this way and that, studying the whole business.
After a couple minutes of this, he asked her in a sort of peeved voice, "Well, what are you doing?"
She said, "I'm doing what I always do when I'm downtown with no money - just looking."
"Catholics all over the world celebrate Mardi Gras. Even the Pope gets involved. He's really the most interesting Pope in the world. 'I don't always throw beads off my balcony. But when I do, it's at Mardi Gras.'" -Craig Ferguson
A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink.
They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female "lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore."
At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. "Look", she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen."