Monday, November 25, 2013

Greetings Laff Lovers,

What an exhausting weekend! I didn't think I was going to get any so I masturbated to a copy of Red Book that my wife left lying around...like I usually do...and then it turned out that she was in the mood after all.

I performed twice in one weekend. I feel like I don't have any liquids left in me at all!

Drainedly,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

P.S. EVTV1 is back and better than ever! This video portal was created to weed through the online clutter to bring you the best animal video clips...funniest videos...most popular...PLUS the most unusual. New videos are added daily!



Q. What is the definition of Blood, Sweat and Tears?

A. A blonde on her period standing in front of a tampon machine with a bent quarter.



A man and a woman were going at it on the sofa when the phone rang.

"Who was that?" the guy asked.

"My husband," she replied.

"Damn, I better get going then," the guy said. "Where was he when he phoned?"

"You can relax," said the woman. "He's downtown playing poker with you."



I love to read those advice columns in the newspaper. I read one this morning. It said, "What's the worst thing a wife can get on her twenty fifth wedding anniversary?"

"Morning Sickness."



New Living Will Form

I, _________________________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means.

Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it or lawyers/doctors interested in simply running up the bills. If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least one of the following:

______a Bloody Mary,

______a Margarita

______a Manhattan

______a Martini

______a beer

______a Vodka and Tonic

______a Steak

______Lobster or crab legs

______The remote control,

_____ Chocolate

______Sex

it should be presumed that I won't ever get better. When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day.