Monday, April 1, 2013

Greetings Laff Lovers,

I bought some spicy, roasted nuts over the weekend mistakenly thinking they were "salty" roasted nuts. I don't know what they had on them, cinnamon and cayenne or something, but to me they tasted terrible. There was nothing wrong with them, though, so being the generous guy I am I brought them into the office and announced that they were in the kitchen for whoever might want them.

About an hour later I passed Clean Laffs Joe who said, "Wow TZ, I know you said you had spicy nuts, but I didn't realize how spicy they were until I put them in my mouth!"

I stared at him for a couple seconds to see if he was being facetious, but his eager, watering eyes spoke only of a simple, somewhat pathetic need for validation.

With only the smallest pang of guilt I said, "Joe, your wife should have warned you about that."

Opportunistically,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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I got sacked from my job as a bingo caller. Apparently "A meal for two with a hairy view" is not the way to call number 69.



Two friends were hanging out in a Western bar. One decided to try the Bucking Bronco machine. He managed to hang on for three whole minutes.

His buddy was impressed. "Wow!" he exclaimed, "That was sure something!"

"It was easy," his friend said modestly. "I get lots of practice. My wife's an epileptic."



Two Thai girls asked me if I'd like to go bed with them, they said it would be just like winning the lottery! I agreed, and they were right. We all stripped off and to my horror, we had six matching balls!



A local law enforcement officer stopped a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. Since he was in a good mood that day he decided to give the poor fellow a break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. So, he asks the man his name." Fred" he replies. "Fred what?" the officer asks. "Just Fred" the man responds. When the officer presses him for a last name, the man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks he has a nutcase on his hands but plays along with it. "Tell me Fred, how did you lose your last name?"

The man replies... "It's a long story so stay with me. I was born Fred Dingaling. I know, funny last name. The kids used to tease me all the time. So I stayed to myself. I studied hard and got good grades.

When I got older I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, finally got my degree so I was Fred Dingaling, MD. After a while I got bored being a doctor so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream. Got all the way through school, got my degree so I was now Fred Dingaling MD DDS.

I Got bored doing dentistry so I started fooling around with my assistant. She gave me VD. So, I was Fred Dingaling MD DDS with VD.

Well, the ADA found out about the VD so they took away my DDS so I was Fred Dingaling MD with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Dingaling with VD. Then the VD took away my dingaling so now I'm just Fred."

The officer let him go without even a warning.