Thursday, October 30, 2014

Greetings Laff Lovers,

I'm sure everybody knows what tomorrow is. I don't mind saying that I got fed up with Halloween years ago. The mere sight of costumed little crotch fruit collecting on my doorstep is enough to give me paroxysms. But the last time I turned the lights out and pretended I wasn't home earned me egged windows and doors.

So this afternoon I am going out to buy a few boxes of individually wrapped chocolate-flavored laxatives.

It's my way of getting into the spirit of the thing. It's sort of a trick and a treat all in one.

Trick-or-treating-ly,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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"Halloween is just a few days away and the Obamas have invited children to go trick-or-treating at the White House on Friday. It will be fun until the Secret Service tackles a kid and says, 'We finally got one. He's dressed like a ninja turtle and tried to get in here.'" -Jimmy Fallon



The following conversation took place one morning between a wife and her now ex-husband. They were discussing government cost cuts that they recently heard about in the paper.

"Honey," his wife said, while reading the newspaper, "it looks like our government is going to cut overhead and trim down the military forces. They are going to retire six over-aged destroyers."

To which the husband replies, "Oh...I'm sorry to hear your mother will be out of work."



"Halloween is on Friday. I cannot wait. The smiles on those children's faces when they come to the door and taste what's left of the cocktail onions in my refrigerator, priceless." -Jimmy Kimmel



This guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is very dead and the guy panics. He thinks the neighbors are going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed-up rabbit into the house, gives it a bath, blow-dries its fur, and puts the rabbit back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping that they will think it died of natural causes.

A few days later, the neighbor is outside and asks the guy, "Did you hear that Fluffy died?"

The guy stumbles around and says, "Um.. no.. um.. what happened?"

The neighbor replies, "We just found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him we went outside and someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There must be some real sick people out there!"