Monday, April 29, 2013

Greetings Laff Lovers,

The wife was volunteering at the community center this weekend. So pretty much she was gone from nine in the morning until nine at night both Saturday and Sunday.

That left me in charge of the house and the kids.

Well, "in charge" is a liberal interpretation of the situation. I was chauffeur, cook and referee. After 48 hours they had me worn pretty thin.

It was nothing in particular, just the constant whining, needling and demanding. Without even realizing it I had shifted into a sort of permanent disciplinary mode.

Sunday night my sixteen-year-old asked me something, I don't remember what, something about dinner, and after I answered her I noticed her somewhat shocked and slightly hurt expression.

"What?" I demanded.

"Why are you yelling at me?"

"I'm not yelling!" I shouted. "This is just how dads talk."

Parentally,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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A couple of old guys in Palm Desert were golfing when one mentioned that he was going to go to Dr. Smith for a new set of dentures in the morning.

His elderly buddy remarked that he too had gone to the very same dentist two years before.

"Is that so?" asked the first old guy. "Did he do a good job?"

The second oldster replied, "Well, I was on the golf course yesterday when a guy on the next fairway hooked a shot. The ball must have been going at least 100 mph when it smacked me right in the balls."

The first old guy was confused and asked, "What the hell does that have to do with your dentures?"

"It was the first time my teeth didn't hurt..."



A mother in law said to her son's wife when their baby was born: "I don't mean to be rude but he doesn't look anything like my son."

The daughter-in-law lifted her skirt and said: "I don't mean to be rude either, but this is a pussy...not a fucking photo-copier."



"A new study has found that men have a hard time reading women's facial expressions. The main reason? They are not usually looking at her face." -Jay Leno



Top 10 Country Western Songs:

10. I Hate Every Bone In Her Body But Mine.

9. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With an Ugly Woman But I Woke Up With a Few.

8. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me.

7. I've Missed You, But My Aim's Improvin'.

6. Wouldn't Take Her To A Dogfight 'Cause I'm Scared She'd Win.

5. I'm So Miserable Without You It's Like You're Still Here.

4. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Miss Him.

3. She Took My Ring and Gave Me the Finger.

2. She's Lookin' Better with Every Beer.

And the Number One Country & Western song is:

1. It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed My Ass All Day.