Thursday, August 6, 2015

Greetings Laff Lovers,

I just read an incredibly stupid article about how couples are avoiding sex because they are bombarded by images of wild, exciting, edgy sex in magazines, movies, books and the internet, and they are afraid that their boring, old, everyday sex life will be a disappointment to their partners. So they just avoid it all together.

A therapist and sex counselor who was interviewed for the piece said, "It's sad that so few people are sexually satisfied and put pressure on themselves to perform. Noticing what is going well, rather than dwelling on problems, is quite difficult when we're all bombarded with messages about how sex 'ought' to be."

How sex 'ought' to be? Has it changed in the 20 years I've been married? If you're not banging your significant other because you're afraid she (or he) won't like your porn star performance...or you're afraid SHE won't perform like a porn star...you're putting way too much thought into it.

Sure, there might be a few psychotics out there with some kind of crippling sexual paranoia, but I can't believe this thing is that big of a problem.

If you're intimidated by Internet porn or trashy romance novels, take it from ol' Uncle TZ; get your wife or girlfriend drunk every now and then and slip it up her ass.

Trust me, she won't be comparing you to anything she has read in a magazine.

Creatively,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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"In a recent interview, Hillary Clinton said that one of the jobs that prepared her to be president was sliming fish in Alaska. As opposed to Bill, who learned by catching crabs in Cancun." -Jimmy Fallon



An elderly married couple was at home watching TV. The husband had the remote, and he kept switching back and forth between the fishing channel and the porn channel.

The wife became more and more annoyed and finally cried, "For God's sake! Just leave it on the porn channel! You already know how to fish!"



A wife says to her husband, "You're always pushing me around and talking behind my back."

He says, "What do you expect? You're in a wheel chair!"



A guy goes into U.S. Postal Service to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"

He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."

"Ok, Have you ever been in the military service?"

"Yes," he says, "I was in Afghanistan for one tour."

The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment." Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"

The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles."

The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Okay. You've got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 PM. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and you might as well plan on starting at 10:00 am every Day."

The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 PM, why don't you want me here until 10?"

"This is a government job," the interviewer says. "For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in You coming in for that."