Thursday, February 23, 2012

Greetings Laff Lovers,

Magilla asked Lewis to sit in on a meeting scheduled with some guy who was supposed to be an expert on Internet traffic.

"What about me?" I asked Magilla. "Why don't you ever ask me to sit in on anything?"

"Because you're an asshole and you don't know shit about nothin'. But if you want to sit in and watch real men ply their trade, then I have no objections. Consider it a bonus."

So I sat in and listened to this guy. It turns out his roots are in porn.

"I'm sorry," Magilla said after the guy's pitch, "but we don't do anything in porn. Yes, we have a clip of Pamela Anderson pole dancing, and we have a little nudity, but no real porn. Besides, it seems to me that porn people are more into viewing than they are in clicking around on websites."

The guy took offense. "Hey, porn watchers are people too! What, you think they don't have any other interests? Every time they log on they get the Vaseline and head straight to their favorite porn sites and grab their dicks?"

I looked at Lewis and shrugged, "Yeah, pretty much. That's what I do. How about you Lewis?"

"Yep, me too," he said. "I never even considered an alternative."

Habitually,

TZ

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"A new survey found that 55 percent of men expect to pay on the first date. While the other 45 percent have never been on a second date." -Jimmy Fallon



A secretary, out with appendicitis, was being visited by a co-worker in the hospital.

"How are things at the office going, Claudia?" she asked.

"Well, they're all sharing your work. Jody is making the coffee, Louise is reading all your magazines, and Cathy is making it with the boss."



"For sale," read the ad in our hospital's weekly newsletter, "sleeveless wedding gown, white, size 8, veil included. Worn once, by mistake."



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While I was dining out with my children, a friend of my neighbor, who recognized us, came over to our table, and we started talking.

He asked where my kids go to school. I told him we homeschooled them.

With a raised eyebrow, he asked if my husband is the sole breadwinner for our family.

I said, "No, I also work... but out of our home."

Then, noticing our two-month-old son, he mentioned that his daughter had just had a baby, and he wondered what hospital our son was born in.

"He was born at home," I answered.

The man looked at me and said, "You don't get out much, do you?"