Thursday, August 11, 2011

Greetings Laff Lovers,

I know I have said before that I don't believe in breast enlargement surgery. Whether God blessed you with As or double Ds, I can appreciate a woman's beauty for what it is. Really, that last thing I want to see (or feel) when a sexy woman takes her top off is a pair of saline balloons making her nipples point toward the ceiling.

However, I have just made an amendment to this rule.

I just read a story about an 83-year-old California woman who got her boobs done. A widow, still working and a mother of four, grandmother of 13 and great-grandmother of 12, this spunky octogenarian decided she needed a lift in her busy life.

"I never gave a thought to meeting someone different," she said. "It was more about looking in the mirror and liking who I am."

Many of my faithful readers will think that my opinion would be the opposite, but I honestly think this is a qualified exception to the rule.

Hell, if my wife and I are both alive and kicking in our 80s I just might suggest that she perk up the old pillows a bit. God knows little tugboat TZ will need a little encouragement by that time.

Contrarily,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com



"They say the price of gas could soon be under $3 a gallon. Do you know what that means? You can now afford to drive by the house you used to live in, go by the job you used to have, and go see the bank where you used to have money." -Jay Leno



TEN TOP THINGS NOT TO SAY ON YOUR ANNIVERSARY...

10. I stopped caring about anniversaries when you stopped caring about cooking (and-or sex).

9. Today is our what?

8. Okay, let's celebrate, but do we have to do it together?

7. I thought we only celebrated important events?

6. You can celebrate anniversaries with your next husband.

5. You don't like what I pick out, so I thought why bother.

4. I got you a present worth a dollar for every time you were nice to me this year. Here's a $5 gift certificate for McDonald's.

3. If you want me to pretend like I care about our anniversary, I will.

2. You want to go out to dinner? Okay, okay, I'll take you to Pizza Hut if it'll shut ya up.

1. I thought you only had to celebrate anniversaries while you were still in love.



"A Burger King employee in Long Island was arrested for selling crack in the restaurant's parking lot. Most people turned him down though. They were like, 'No thanks, that stuff'll kill you. Can I get a double whopper with cheese and bacon, two onion rings, and a milkshake?'" -Jimmy Fallon


*** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***
It's Available. THE Laffaday Book... Check it out, it's 91 cents! (plus s&h). For more info or to order visit: THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ


Dear Abby,

I have an oral sex etiquette question. While I love pleasing my lady, occasionally while in the middle of a "carpet munching" session a hair gets caught in the back of my throat. I think hacking up a hairball like a cat on speed at that special time might be considered poor taste. How can I take care of business and remove the offending piece of "wool" and keep the mood?

Sincerely, Munchy

Dear Munchy:

Preparation, preparation, preparation, my son, is the key to successful tongue lashing. Right after your lady buys you a really expensive present, cooks you a fine, fine meal and finishes mowing the lawn with the second-hand, push lawnmower you purchased for her on your last anniversary, simply hand her a razor and remind her that her "back 40" also needs a good clip. Remember, an "idle" woman is a devil in the making.

Abby