Thursday, January 31, 2013Greetings Laff Lovers,
I was in the kitchen rummaging through the fridge to see if anyone had anything good to eat when Clean Laffs Joe walked in.
"Hey! That's my yogurt!" he said grabbing it. "Paws off!"
"I don't see your name on it," I mumbled.
"Nobody has their name on anything here, you cretin. Pry open that sarcophagus you call a wallet and buy your own stuff."
I opened the fridge and kept looking. "So what are you doing this weekend?"
He calmed down and got a little giddy. "The wife and I are getting together with a few friends and going to a Bloody Mary bar for breakfast."
"Sounds disgusting."
"Depends on how you make it. They have everything you can imaging to put into a Bloody Mary: sherry, every hot sauce known to man, Worcestershire sauce, horseradish, amontillado, fino, manzanilla, wasabi, cheese, sausage..."
"Sausage?" I asked. "Did you say sausage?"
"Yes, sausage."
"Hmmm," I mused. "Now that I think about it I guess I have slipped a sausage into a bloody Mary a time or two."
On-second-thoughtly,
TZ
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'Like' Deal of the Day Here"Brewers in Austria have created a cheese-infused beer. Didn't that used to be called 'vomit?'" -Jay Leno
An 8-year-old choir boy catches the priest masturbating.
He said, "What are you doing father?"
"It's called masturbating," the priest replied. "You'll be doing this soon."
"Why father?" he asked.
"Because my wrist is killing me," the priest replied.
A girl goes into a bank with a big sack full of quarters to deposit. The teller said "girl you must have been hoarding these quarters." The girl said "well yes but I only whored half of them. My sister whored the other half."
A woman visited a plastic surgeon who told her about a new procedure called 'The Knob,' where a small knob is placed at the top of the woman's head and could be turned to tighten up her skin and produce the effect of a brand new face-lift. Of course, the woman wanted 'The Knob.'
Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob, and the effects were wonderful, the woman remained young looking and vibrant.
After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems.
'All these years, everything has been working just fine... I've had to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results. But now I've developed two annoying problems: First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them.'
The doctor looked at her closely and said, 'Those aren't bags, those are your breasts.'
She took a moment and said, 'Well, I guess there's no point in asking about the goatee.'