Thursday, August 11, 2016
Greetings Laff Lovers,
TZ, I noticed you have been reusing old jokes for months. Please find new jokes. There are zillions of them to be had from the web. You only change your comments which I enjoy and the current stuff from comedians, etc.
Chuck, I appreciate your feedback. I have been writing Laff-a-Day for 15 years now (God, I'm depressed) and what I have discovered is that there are only two kinds of jokes; shit jokes and jokes I have used before, and the latter category is always getting larger which should tell you something about the former.
But to keep my fan base (such as it is) happy, I have dug up a few jokes that I don't think I have used too recently, although after 15 years they all sound familiar to me, and I'll leave it up to you to decide whether they're shit or not.
Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: email@example.com
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"A new study claims regular sex can help people stay slim. Heads up guys, women do not like the pickup line, 'How'd you like to lose some weight tonight?'" -Conan O'Brien
Sixth grade science teacher Mrs. Samson asks her class: "Who can tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?" Nobody raises a hand, so she calls on the first student to look her way. "Mary, can you tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?"
Mary stands up, blushing. "Mrs. Samson, I don't think you should be asking those kinds of questions," she says. "I'm going to tell the principal and tonight I'm going to tell my parents. We shouldn't be discussing this kind of thing in class."
Mrs. Sampson is shocked by Mary's reaction, but undaunted. She asks if anyone else in class can answer the question. This time Sam raises his hand. "The answer is the iris of the human eye, Mrs. Sampson."
"Very good, Sam. Thank you." Mrs. Sampson then turns to Mary and says, "Mary, I have 3 things to tell you: first, it's clear that you have not done your homework. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, I fear one day you are going to be sadly disappointed."
"With the basketball players not being in the Olympic village, it means they're going to miss out on all the sex. Because I don't know if you've heard this but the Olympic committee announced they'll be handing out 350,000 condoms and 175,000 packets of lube. Or as Brazilians call that, 'A weekend.'" -James Corden
Being a very traditional couple Jim and Sandy have saved themselves for marriage, but after deciding they are in love Jim finally proposes to Sandy. But prior to her acceptance, Sandy had a confession to make. She informed Jim that she has been stuffing her bra for years and her breasts are about the size of a 12-year-olds.
Jim says that it was OK because he loved her so much. "And I have a problem too," he confesses. "My penis is the same size as an infant, but I hope you could deal with that once we are married."
She said, "Yes, I will marry you and learn to live with your infant penis."
Sandy and Jim got married and after the ceremony they could hardly wait, so Jim whisked Sandy off to their hotel suite and they started touching and teasing one another. As Sandy put her hands in Jim's pants, she began to scream and ran out of the room! Jim ran after her to find out what was wrong.
She said, "You told me your penis is the size of an infant!"
"It is!" explains Jim. "It's 7 pounds, 8 oz, 18 inches long!"