Thursday, June 4, 2015

Greetings Laff Lovers,

I was having a discussion with Lewis about the differences between men and women. It was sparked by Bruce Jenner's recent transition into Rene Russo, apparently (go look up the pics and tell me Bruce doesn't look like Rene Russo now).

Anyway, Lewis, always desperately trying to be a feminist, quipped, "One good way to characterize the difference between men and women is that women fake orgasms to have relationships, while men fake relationships to have orgasms."

"Not even close," I answered. "The easiest way describe the difference between men and women is what comes to mind when the word 'Facial' is used."

Expositorily,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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A guy goes to the store to buy condoms. "Do you want a bag?" the cashier asks.

"No," the guy says, "she's not that ugly."



This morning I was sitting on a bench next to a homeless man, I asked him how he ended up this way.

He said, "Up until Last week, I still had it all! All my meals were prepared for me, my room was cleaned, my clothes were washed, pressed, I had a roof over my head, I had TV, internet, I went to the gym, the pool, the library, I could still go to school."

I asked him, "What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?"

"No, nothing like that," he said. "I got out of prison."



White people fairy tales: Once upon a time...
Black people fairy tales: Y'all motherfuc*as ain't believe dis' shit!



Dear wife,

You must realize that you are 54 years old, and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18 year old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight.
- Your Husband

When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:

Dear Husband,

You, too, are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18 year old pool boy. Since you are a mathematician, you will appreciate that 18 goes into 54 more times than 54 goes into 18. Therefore don't wait up.
- Your Wife