Monday, December 2, 2013

Greetings Laff Lovers,

It's only Monday and we already have the quote-of-the-week. In an interview with Barbara Walters, President Obama said about the miserable Affordable Care Act rollout, "We're evaluating why it is exactly that I didn't know soon enough that it wasn't going to work the way it needed to."

Who was it who said, "The buck stops here?"

Apparently "bucks" come nowhere near Obama. Now that's a politician.

Non-stickly,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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"It's that special time of year when your whole family gathers together in one place to look at their cellphones. And I'm going to start dinner by telling my parents I'm gay. It never gets old!" -Jimmy Kimmel



There's a woman in a hospital in a coma. Her nurse notices after a few days that every time she sponge bathes the woman around the crotch, her vital signs, according to the nearby monitor, increase significantly. The nurse gets the bright idea that oral sex might just provide the stimulus to bring the woman out of her coma.

She calls the woman's husband, tells him her idea about oral sex, and he agrees. When he arrives at the hospital, the nurse ushers him into the room, closes the curtain around the bed, and closes the door.

Five minutes later, the man comes running out of the room screaming that all of his wife's vital signs have plummeted to zero and she needs a doctor immediately. The nurse, upset that her idea had not only not worked, but seemed to be threatening the life of the woman she had sought to save, asked the man what had happened.

"I'm not sure," said the husband, "but I think she choked!"



"A court today ruled that American money discriminates against blind people because they can't tell the bills apart. I don't think that's true, because the one-dollar bills always smell like strippers." -Craig Ferguson



"Doc, I think my son has gonorrhea," a patient told his urologist on the phone. "The only woman he's screwed is our maid."

"Ok, don't be hard on him. He's just a kid," the medic soothed. "Get him in here right away and I'll take care of him."

"But, Doc. I've been screwing the maid too and I've got the same symptoms he has."

"Then you come in with him and I'll fix you both up." Replied the doctor.

"Well," the man admitted, "The problem is now I think I gave it to my wife."

"Son of a bitch!" the physician roared. "That means we've all got it!"