Thursday, September 1, 2016
Greetings Laff Lovers,
Well, this is it. Labor Day weekend. That means the summer is just about over. I admit I'm kind of sorry to see it go. It has actually been a pretty good summer (for a change).
And it's going to be just a beautiful 3-day weekend. We are looking at upper 70s and sunny all weekend. So I am going to take advantage by going golfing with Lewis. That will probably turn into a long day with the way he likes to take detours through every single stand of trees and bushes on the course.
And then if I'm feeling very motivated I may barbecue. There is nothing I enjoy more than standing in my own yard, searing a half dozen steaks on the grill while my wife does the rest of the work. And best of all I have all day Monday to recover. In my opinion every weekend should be a 3-day weekend.
You can't ask for much better than that.
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"Anthony Weiner's wife, Huma Abedin, has decided to finally separate from him after his latest sexting scandal. So ladies: He's single!" -Jimmy Fallon
In the bar the other day I was telling that old joke about what do you do if you see an epileptic having a fit in the bathtub. The answer, of course, being...throw in your wash.
We were all having a good laugh about this when this big bastard tapped me on the shoulder and said, "I don't find that very funny. My brother was an epileptic and he died in the bath during one of his fits."
I said, "I Sorry, buddy. Did he drown?"
"No," he replied, "He choked on a sock."
"This weekend, after winning three gold medals in Rio, Jamaican sprinter Usain Bolt was caught cheating on his girlfriend. Here's how fast Bolt is: The woman he slept with last weekend is already four months pregnant." -Conan O'Brien
Jack goes to his friend Joe and says, "I'm sleeping with the minister's wife. Can you keep him back in church for an hour after service for me?"
Joe doesn't like it, but being a friend, he agrees.
After the service, Joe starts talking to the minister, asking him all sorts of stupid questions, just to keep him occupied.
Finally the minister gets annoyed and asks Joe what he's really up to.
Joe, feeling guilty, finally confesses to the minister. "My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied."
The minister thinks for a minute, smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Joe's shoulder and says, "If I were you I'd hurry home right now. Because my wife died a year ago."