Thursday, July 2, 2015

Greetings Laff Lovers,

I have heard it said that sarcasm is the lowest form of humor (right below farting in a crowded elevator), and based upon the slew of responses I got from last week's issue about the Confederate flag, I think I'm inclined to agree. Either that or high school English teachers don't make kids read '1984' anymore, like they used to when I was in school. In any case, it's been fun reading these kinds of emails all week...


TZ, The uproar over a flag is just plain moronic. It's the same as banning firearms after someone shoots someone else. The gun didn't shoot by itself. A person fired the gun. To ban a flag such as the Confederate flag is worse than banning firearms. Since you seem to be as short sighted as the gun banners, I will cease ALL of my subscriptions to Gopher Central publications, including yours. Put that in your pipe and smoke it. Bye forever, marineseabee


Hey TZ! Your "progressive" posture isn't funny. When I subscribed, I was looking for "funny". You were doing great up until you decided to come out of the left-most closet. I don't want to hear it and I don't need to read about it. I just "unsubscribed" so I don't want your political opinions in by mailbox anymore. -Robin Haynes (NOT a "progressive")


TZ, I sincerely hope that you were being facetious in today's column. If you were being serious, I will consider you a dangerous person. A very dangerous person. -Johnny


If you are serious about all that crap, then you, sir, are a fucking idiot! One more stupid article that I find in my Inbox, and I'll unsubscribe from your web site. -John


TZ, You and I are normally on the opposite end of the political spectrum but I agree with you whole heartedly on this! -Robert

[Finally! Some diversity in my subscriber list.]


TZ, it would be interesting to know how many people will have no idea of the literary reference you're making in your 6/25 issue to Orwell's 1984. Some will be outraged that you "try to remove our heritage and traditions!" Others will think it's a brilliant idea; but an alarming number of people will be totally oblivious to your tougue-in-cheek references. As always, I enjoyed the issue. -Greg


Sarcastically,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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"The only difference between gay marriage and straight marriage is no one complains when you leave the toilet seat up." -Jimmy Kimmel



My wife and I were going through a rough patch financially, but we kept ourselves sane by repeating, "As long as we have each other, we don't need anything else."

But when the television in our bedroom broke and we couldn't afford to repair or replace it, my wife lost it.

"That's just great!" she shouted. "Now there's no entertainment in our bedroom at all!"



"The NYPD is apparently teaching its officers how to be more polite. It's true last time I got frisked, the cop was like, 'Have you lost weight?'" -Jimmy Fallon



Teeing off on the 12th hole at a golf resort, we stopped to buy cold drinks from the young woman driving the beverage cart. As my buddy reached for his wallet, he said to her, "You're in great shape. You must work out a lot."

Flattered, she gave him a big smile and gushed, "Oh, thank you so much!"

The next day a different young woman was driving the cart. "Watch this," I whispered. I walked up to her and said, "Wow, you must work out a lot."

"Yeah," she replied flatly. "You should try it."