Sunday, November 16, 2014

Greetings Laff Lovers,

I remember buying gifts for my wife early in our relationship. I never pretended to know what a woman wanted, so unless I was going to give her a hooker's outfit with fishnet stockings I thought it was better to get help from some other female.

That always bothered my wife until one day she sobbed, "The most important part of gift giving is the thought that goes into it. It bothers me that you don't think you know me well enough to pick out my gift."

So the next time an occasion came that called for a gift I tried my hardest and finally came up with the perfect gift all on my own. When I gave it to her I stood there like I was 6, all proud with a big, goffy-assed smile on my face. I was crushed when she didn't even know what it was.

"It's a dildo sterilizer for when I'm out of town."

Now, after nearly 18 years, as soon as she opens any present, my wife simply says, "You don't mind if I exchange this do you?"

Not-at-all-ly,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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"A new book claims that Jesus had a wife and two kids. In other words, he suffered even more than we thought." -Conan O'Brien



Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives:

1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.

2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.

3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.

4. A dog's parents never visit.

5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.

7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.

8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"

10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.

11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.

12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.

13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.

And last, but not least:

14. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.



"Scientists are saying that the testosterone patch could help women increase their sex drive. Unfortunately, the beard that comes with it is kind of a turn off." -Craig Ferguson



A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3 O'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.

The woman, sort of bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man, "Shit! That must be my husband!"

So the guy quickly got out of bed scared and naked, he grabbed his pants and jumped out the window like a crazy man. He smashed himself on the ground, went through a thorn bush, then he stood up and started to run fast to his car.

Just a few minutes later he returned and screams at the woman, "What the hell are you trying to do to me? I'm your husband, you slut!"

The woman yelled back, "Yeah? Why were you running? You son of a bitch!"