Thursday, January 5, 2012Greetings Laff Lovers,
A man has to stay on top of things when he has kids in the house. Sometimes this involves making sacrifices. I have given up drinking and cigars. I gave up my porn collection a long time ago, and I can't tell you the last time the wife and I used our sex swing.
But other times it involves just staying on my toes around the avaricious little bastards.
The most recent battle of wits has revolved around ice cream. Ice cream is one of the few indulgences I have left, and it is almost impossible to keep it in the house. I have tried hiding it, ordering the kids not to eat it, threatening them if they do eat it, but somehow it always seems to disappear.
So I have taken to buying flavors I know they will not eat, which isn't easy since they will eat just about anything.
The only problem is that I don't particularly like them either. So just in order to guarantee that there will be a bowl of ice cream available late at night when I want it I have taken to eating flavors like rum raisin and apricot.
There is a certain desperation that comes with sneaking downstairs at one in the morning just to eat a bowlful of walnut ice cream.
Indulgently,
TZ
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THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZDear Diary,
You know I don't have many regrets about being married. After all, even sowing wild oats gets boring after a while. In fact, I can't really think of any regrets--except for one: I wish that I would have, just once, while sober and deliberate, fucked a midget. I don't think this really needs explaining, dear diary, so I will leave it at that.
Regretfully