Sunday, December 6, 2015

Greetings Laff Lovers,

My buddy's son is engaged to a girl that moved to Columbia to teach school. She comes back a few times a year and he's excited that she'll be home for Christmas.

"So what do you plan on getting her for Christmas, besides a never ending stream of jizz?" I asked.

He rattled off a list of stuff that ended with, "A gift card to Chipotle."

I looked at him and paused. "You know she lives in fucking Columbia, right?"

"Yeah."

"Why the fuck would you buy her fake Mexican food for Christmas if she's coming from fucking Mexico?"

"Well, TZ, she lives in COLUMBIA, not MEXICO, and what can I say, she like Chipotle."

"No, I'm sorry kid, you're right, that's a great gift, a great gift. No kidding, because I'm sure she's sick of eating the local fare made with stray dog and squirrel. She's probably looking forward to organic, grass fed beef."

Cartagenaly,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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I went to a nice, local restaurant/bar with my girlfriend last night. But the regulars were shouting "pedophile!" and other terrible names at me, just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50.

It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.



A Guy walks up to an attractive, young woman in a bar and says, "You remind me of my little toe."

She replies, "What's that supposed to mean? Like I'm small and cute or something?"

He says, "No. It means I'll probably bang you on the coffee table later when I'm drunk."



My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said "Son, that's 3 schools this year! You'd better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."



A Guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2 hours."

The guy left.

A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looked around at the shop and said, "About 90 minutes."

The guy left.

The barber turned to his friend and said, "Hey, Bob, do me a favor, follow him and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but he never comes back."

A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asked, "So, where the hell does he go when he leaves?"

Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said, "Your house."