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Sunday, September 14, 2014Greetings Laff Lovers,
Lewis had just finished telling me how smart pigs are.
"Maybe that's why we're not supposed to eat them," I said.
He said, "Trichinosis is probably the main reason."
"I don't know," I said. "I wouldn't want to eat any smart animal. Would you eat an ape?"
He said, "No. Too much like eating my cousin. How about you?"
"I guess it would depend on how good looking your cousin is."
Sentiently,
TZ
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GopherArchivesBob, an undertaker, came home with a black eye.
"What happened to you?" asked his wife.
"I had a terrible day," replied Bob. "I had to go to a hotel and pick up a man who had died in his sleep. When I got there, the manager said they couldn't get him into a body bag because he had this huge erection. Anyway, I went up and, sure enough, there was the big naked guy lying on the bed with this huge erection. So I grabbed it with both hands and tried to snap it in half."
"I see," said his wife, "that must have been awful, but how did you get the black eye?"
"Wrong fucking room."
In 1850 California became a state. Back then, the state had no electricity, no money, there were gun fights in the middle of the streets, and almost everyone spoke Spanish. So it was just like California today. Only back then the women had real tits.
There was a man who lost one of his arms in an accident. He became very depressed because he loved to play golf.
One day in his despair, he decided to commit suicide. He got on an elevator and went to the top of a building to jump off.
He was standing on the ledge looking down and saw this man skipping along, whooping and kicking up his heels. He looked closer and saw that this man didn't have any arms at all.
He started thinking: what am I doing up here feeling sorry for myself? I still have one good arm to do things with. There goes a man with no arms, skipping down the sidewalk so happy, and going on with his life.
He hurried down and caught up with the man with no arms. He told him how glad he was to see him because he lost one of his arms and felt useless and was going to kill himself. He thanked him again for saving is life and said he knew he could make it with one arm if that guy could go on dancing and kicking up his heels with no arms.
He asked, "Why are you so happy anyway?"
He said, "I'm NOT fucking happy, My balls are itchy."