Thursday, July 14, 2016

Greetings Laff Lovers,

Fuckin' Brits.

Leave it to them to mainstream lesbian prostitution.

Okay, I might be getting ahead of myself a bit. It is not exactly prostitution. Call it lesbian 'erotic' massage.

But if you get a massage with a 'happy' ending in the United States...it's prostitution.

It is a new trend in London and it is called Yoni. Apparently that is the Sanskrit word for vagina, but it literally means "sacred space" (I guess that's better than "cum dumpster" or "cock socket").

I just read an article by a British "Massage guru" who put herself on the line to get her kitty pet by another woman.

According to her, the goal of the massage isn't an orgasm. The goal is to release physical and emotional blockages by focusing on a lady's private parts and freeing sexual energy to enable the recipient to become more in tune with her body.

To me that sounds like a really long way to say 'orgasm'.

The article's author described how her masseuse, Lisa, lit aromatic candles and put on soothing music before helping the author take off her clothes.

How is that not a trick?

I don't want to go into any more details, but by the end of the article I was a little aroused. If you want to read the complete story I'm sure you can look the article up yourself.

I only wish this story wasn't plastered all over the Internet. I'm afraid my wife is going to want to get one of these Yoni massages (and not let me watch).

Excluded,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives




"Gay Republicans are pushing for pro-LGBT language in the GOP platform. In response, the GOP said, 'Not gonna happen, girlfriend.'" -Conan O'Brien



A blonde woman is walking down the street, with her blouse open. A cop is approaching from about a block away, thinking, "Boy, my eyes must be going, it looks like that woman's right breast is hanging out."

As he gets closer it becomes apparent that her breast is hanging out. When he gets face to face with her he says, "Ma'am, are you aware I could cite you for indecent exposure?"

She says, "Why, officer?"

"Well, your breast is hanging out."

She looks down and says, "OMIGOD, I left the baby on the bus!"




"Last week Donald Trump vowed to protect Article 12 of the Constitution despite the fact that the Constitution only has seven articles. Said Trump, 'I don't know. I don't read it for the articles.'" -Seth Meyers



A young boy walks into a whore house with a $100 bill and a dead puppy. He goes to the pimp and asks for the girl with the most venereal diseases. The pimp is surprised but doesn't want to turn down the money, so he gives the boy his personal bottom bitch.

After the boy does his deed, the pimp asks why he wanted the ho with all the STDs. The boy answers:

"When I go home, I will get a babysitter while my parents go out to eat, and I'll fuck her. When my parents get home, my dad will drive the sitter home and screw her in the car. Tonight, my parents will fuck. Tomorrow, after my dad leaves for work, my mom will do the mailman...

AND THAT'S THE SON Of A BITCH WHO RAN OVER MY DOG!"