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Sunday, July 3, 2016

Greetings Laff Lovers,

We finally made plans for the fourth of July. I know, my family is the worst for making plans at the last minute.

Anyway, we decided to go to my brother's house for the fourth. He doesn't know it yet, but he will. It's his own fault. He's the one who decided to buy a house with a pool.

The kids love it. They spend almost the entire day in there trying to drown each other, except for when they climb out to devour several hot dogs and hamburgers each like a wet, sun burned swarm of locusts.

It's great for me. They're preoccupied for four or five hours and at the end of the day they're so exhausted they collapse in bed and the wife and I get the night to ourselves.

I just hope it turns out like that. You never know with kids.



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"Maserati recently announced a recall for more than 13,000 cars because of a gearshift problem. Coincidentally, a 'gearshift problem' is what prompts most men to buy a Maserati in the first place." -Seth Meyers

The Importance of a single space!

A secretary got an expensive pen as a gift from her boss She sent him a 'Thank you note' by email.

Boss's wife happened to read the email and filed for divorce.

The email says:

"Your penis wonderful. I enjoyed using it last night.
It has extra ordinary smooth flow, and a firm stroke.
Initially its tip had to be licked to bring it to working order.
I loved its perfect size and grip.
Felt like I was in heaven when using it.
I've always desired it and you fulfilled my wish.
Thanks a lot!"

"Today, Democrats said the committee investigating Hillary Clinton's involvement with Benghazi was a 'witch hunt.' Hillary tried to respond, but just then a house fell on her." -Conan O'Brien

My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing and I said 'nothing'. The reason I said that instead of saying 'just thinking' is because she would have said 'about what'. At that point I would have to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics which would lead to other questions.

Finally I thought about an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts? Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts.

Well, after another beer, and some heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with the answer to that question. Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby; and here is the reason for my conclusion. A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child." On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts." I rest my case.

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