Thursday, May 14, 2015

Greetings Laff Lovers,

My cousin is coming into town from Texas with his wife and their two kids. And guess who gets to be the Holiday Inn? Ah, I don't mind really. They're good people and they understand the number one rule about being a house guest, never over-stay your welcome! They will be arriving tomorrow and they plan on leaving Monday afternoon-evening. Two whole days and two half days is plenty of time to visit and have fun without getting on each other's nerves.

Too bad I can't put the wife on some kind of similar schedule. Just kidding, Honey!

Maybe-not-ly,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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"I was up to page 300 typing my autobiography, when I tripped over the manuscript, fell on the dog and spilled whiskey all over the pages. But that's just the story of my life." --Jerry L. Embry



According to archaeologists, for millions of years Neanderthal man was not fully erect. That's pretty easy to understand considering how ugly Neanderthal woman was.



DATING RITUALS

WHITE WOMEN

-First date: You get to kiss her goodnight.
-Second date: You get to grope all over and make out.
-Third date: You get to have sex, but only in the missionary position.

IRISH WOMEN

-First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
-Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
-20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.

ITALIAN WOMEN

-First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.
-Second Date: You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti and meatballs.
-Third Date: You have sex, she wants to marry you and insists on a 3-carat ring.
-5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together and hate the thought of having sex.
-6th Anniversary: You find yourself a girlfriend.

JEWISH WOMEN

-First Date: You get dynamite head.
-Second Date: You get more great head.
-Third Date: You tell her you'll marry her and never get head again.


CHINESE WOMEN

-First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner, but nothing happens.
-Second date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner. Nothing happens again.
-Third date: You don't even get to the third date and you already realized nothing is going to happen.

INDIAN WOMEN

-First date: Meet her parents.
-Second date: Set the date of the wedding.
-Third date: Wedding night.

BLACK WOMEN

-First Date: You get to buy her a real expensive dinner.
-Second Date: You get to buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive dinner.
-Third Date: You get to pay her rent.
-Tenth Date: She's pregnant by someone other than you.

MEXICAN WOMEN

-First Date: You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on Tequila, and have sex in the back of her car.
-Second Date: She's pregnant.
-Third Date: She moves in. One week later, her mother, father, his girlfriend, her two sisters, her brother, all of their kids, her grandma, her father's girlfriend's mother, her two cousins, her sister's boyfriend and his three kids move in ... and you live on rice and beans for the rest of your life in your home that used to be nice, but now looks like a home along the Rio Grande.

The POINT?

DON'T YOU JUST LOVE IRISH WOMEN?