Thursday, February 2, 2012

Greetings Laff Lovers,

The wife and I had a bit of a tiff the other day. Nothing serious. Something about how I don't care about how sore her asshole gets. I wasn't really paying attention.

Anyway, we made up and she suggested that maybe I was feeling the stress of being too attentive of a father and a husband.

"How do you mean?" I asked.

"Maybe you should take some time for yourself."

"Hmmm...that's not a bad idea. You mean like a golf weekend with the guys?"

"No, I was thinking more like a vacation, by yourself," she answered. "You could go to Italy. Maybe take a cruise."

Victimizedly,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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"There exists a widespread myth that humans should learn about sex from their parents. My relationship with my father nearly ended when he tried to teach me how to drive. I can't imagine our relationship having survived his instructing me how to have sex." --Bob Smith



My wife told me to go to the doctors and get some of those tablets that 'help' you get an erection.

You should have seen her face when I came back and tossed her some diet pills!

I'm still looking for a place to live.



Official Announcement
*********************
The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an Eagle to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance.

A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.



*** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***
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What the Doctor says and what he really means.

Doctor: "This should be taken care of right away."

Translation: I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month, but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.

Doctor: "Let me check your medical history."

Translation: I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending any more time with you."

Doctor: "We have some good news and some bad news."

Translation: The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it.

Doctor: "Let me schedule you for some tests."

Translation: I have a forty percent interest in the lab.

Doctor: "I'd like to prescribe a new drug."

Translation: I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.

Doctor: "If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call."

Translation: I don't know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.

Doctor: "I'd like to run some more tests."

Translation: I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve it.