Thursday, June 16, 2011Greetings Laff Lovers,
Satan walked into my office and asked, "TZ, did you take Michele's frozen lasagna?"
"Excuse me?"
"Somebody stole her lasagna, and it's not the first time. So we want to smell your breath."
"How about you smell my ass?"
"Come on TZ, we all thought that you're the only person with such low character as to steal someone's lunch."
"You ALL thought that? Damn. Well, I see it a bit differently."
"How's that?"
"I see it that some poor bastard who works for you had to resort to stealing a co-worker's lunch because they can't afford to feed themselves. So no matter who stole it, it's your fault."
"My fault? What if I told you we have video of you taking it?"
"Well, we all know you can't trust video with all that Photoshop stuff, and anyway, I know this one thing: the only video camera in this office is in the women's washroom."
Spyingly,
TZ
Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at:
tz@gophercentral.com"Father's Day is different in Beverly Hills. Kids have to buy presents for their biological father, their stepfather, and their surrogate father." -Jay Leno
The night before my bypass surgery, the doctor wanted me to take a shower; which was fine with me, after three days of using a basin and washcloth.
As I walked down the hall, I had a Nurse on either side. The one asked, "Are you going to me able to manage OK?"
I said, "I feel weak and dizzy. Perhaps both of you would be kind enough to get in the shower with me."
The little blonde nurse looked up and said, "Nice try."
"Representative Michele Bachmann once said that gay people lead a very sad life. Apparently, she has never celebrated Halloween in San Francisco." -Conan O'Brien
*** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***It's Available.
THE Laffaday Book... Check it out, it's 91 cents! (plus s&h). For more info or to order visit:
THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZAn older, very dignified gentleman went to his travel agent and tried to book a two-week cruise for himself and his lady friend. The travel agent said that all the ships were booked up and reservations were very tight at that moment, but that he would see what he could do.
A couple of days later, the travel agent phoned and said he could get them onto a three-day cruise. The gentleman was disappointed that it was such a short cruise, but booked it, and then went to the drugstore to buy Dramamines and three condoms.
The next day, the agent called back and reported that he now could upgrade him to a five-day cruise.
The gentleman said, "Great, I'll take it!" And he returned to the same pharmacy to buy two more Dramamines and two more condoms.
The following day, the travel agent called yet again, and said he was delighted that he could offer them bookings on an eight-day cruise.
The gentleman was elated and, went back to the drugstore. He asked for three more Dramamine and three more condoms.
The pharmacist looked sympathetically at him and said, "Look, I'm not trying to pry, but if it makes you sick, why do you keep doing it?"
Email TZ at:
tz@gophercentral.com