Thursday, March 25, 2010
Greetings Laff Lovers,
The other day Satan came into my office and put one scaly,
sulfuric claw on my shoulder. "TZ," she said, "you can stop
advertising the Laff-a-Day book in your newsletter. We
finally sold the last copy. Probably to an emotionally
disturbed foreigner who doesn't know English very well."
"It sold out???" I asked.
"Mmmm hmmm. The warehouse called yesterday and said they
sold the last one. It only took you eight years to sell ten
thousand copies. Congratulations."
I turned and picked up a stack of papers, old magazines
and empty pizza boxes to reveal an unopened box of 'The
Best of Laff-A-Day' books. "What about these?" I asked.
She stared at me with an open mouth for a second before
exploding, "What the hell are those doing here?!"
"I don't know. They were in my old office when we moved.
They just ended up here."
"You idiot! I closed out the item! I purged it from the
database! I deleted the item number!"
"So? Just rebuild it."
"Do you know how much work that is?!"
"Nope," I said, pushing the box toward her with my foot,
"but that's why they pay you the big bucks."
So today she sent me the new link for the remaining books,
and she reduced the price to 91 cents! I think purely out
of spite. When I first started advertising this book we
priced it at $9.98 and they sold like hot cakes. Now she
wants to give away the last, few, precious copies at 91
cents? It's an insult! But since I don't have a thing to
say about it I guess I'll keep my mouth shut.
By the way, I was glancing through my personal copy and
I have to admit, it's still pretty damn funny!
The first joke in today's issue is an excerpt. It's not
just filled with jokes, though. It's loaded with my
personal comments and columns from way back in the day,
when I was still funny.
Anyway, make sure to click on the link at the bottom of
this newsletter if you want to pick up one of the last
few copies!
Editorially,
TZ
Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in
your family at this link: mailto:tz@gophercentral.com
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"Jesse James, who is married to Sandra Bullock for the time
being, has not only been seeing the tattooed lady. He's also
been seeing the bearded lady." -Jimmy Kimmel
A regular Friday night poker game was still going strong well
after midnight when one of the players returned from he bath-
room with an urgent report. "Roger, listen," he told the host,
"Walter is in the kitchen making love to your wife!"
"Ok, that's it, guys!" Roger said. "This is positively the
last deal."
[From 'The World According to TZ' page 11.]
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"Porn star Devon 'Triple X' James says that Tiger Woods paid
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HOW WOULD JESUS VOTE?
Should our tax dollars be used to rip little babies from
their mothers' womb and hack them to pieces in a Democratic
Party sponsored Planned Parenthood butcher shop?
Yes [ ] No [ ]
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Do you support a political party that uses an ass as its
symbol because that is exactly what each and every person
who votes for liberal garbage is?
Yes [ ] No [ ]
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Do you want to persecute Christians and force their children
to submit to child molestation by satanic homosexuals in the
boy scouts?
Yes [ ] No [ ]
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Will you fund our military to the point that we can kill
anybody we want - any time, any way we want?
Yes [ ] No [ ]
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Will you snatch our guns from our cold dead hands until
the only people who have guns in this country are them
criminal colored folks?
Yes [ ] No [ ]
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Will you support special rights for homosexuals, such as
the so-called "right" to keep a job if their boss finds
out what a disgusting perverted sinner they are?
Yes [ ] No [ ]
------------------------------------------------------
Do you support taxpayer money going to the people who most
need it, such as televangelists and Baptist churches?
Yes [ ] No [ ]
------------------------------------------------------
If elected, will you shut down churches, put Satan in
control of the White House, force children to look at
pornography, force everyone to become homosexual and
generally work to destroy everything that is good and
decent?
Yes [ ] No [ ]
Email TZ at: mailto:tz@laffaday.com
P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the
new Laffaday forum here... http://laffaday.gophercentral.com
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*** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***
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