Thursday, September 8, 2016
Greetings Laff Lovers,
Here's a bit of women's logic for you.
The other day my wife announced she was going to wash the bed linens. She likes to keep me informed about those kinds of things.
"TZ, I'm going to load the dish washer..."
"I'm going to get my legs waxed..."
"I'm going to paint the garage..."
Like I need to be updated on every little mundane task.
Anyway, she told me she was going to wash the bed sheets, and noticing the house was blessedly absent of children I suddenly got the idea to treat her to a quicky.
So running upstairs I snuck up behind her and slipped my arms around her waist while I rubbed 'Tugboat TZ' up against her ass.
"TZ," she giggled, "what are you doing?"
"If you don't know, then it's been too long since we've done it," I told her.
"Why don't we wait until I finish the laundry, then we can snuggle up together on nice, fresh sheets," she said.
"Why wait?" I asked, grinding a little more insistently.
"Because these sheets are gross. I didn't get a chance to wash them last week so they're two weeks old."
"Exactly my point," I explained. "You should always get laid before you change the sheets."
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"According to a new poll, Hillary Clinton is more unpopular than ever, but still not as unpopular as Donald Trump. So this election is kind of like asking people if they'd rather have chlamydia or gonorrhea." -Conan O'Brien
The Pfizer Corporation announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form and this new product will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer.
It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink. It gives new meaning to the names of cocktails and highballs. Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.
"One of the big revelations of this latest email dump is that Secretary Clinton didn't use just one smartphone in office as she originally claimed, she used up to 13 different mobile devices in four years. Madam Secretary, tell the truth. Are you a crack dealer? Because I can't figure out why else you would need 13 phones." -Stephen Colbert
A hooded armed robber bursts into the Bank of Italy and forces the tellers to load a sack full of cash. On his way out the door with the loot, one brave customer grabs the hood and pulls it off, revealing the robber's face. The robber shoots the guy dead without hesitation!
He then looks around the bank to see if anyone else has seen him. He sees one of the tellers looking straight at him; the robber walks over and calmly shoots him dead. Everyone by now is very scared and looking down at the floor.
"Dida anyone elsa see a my face?" calls the robber. There follows a tense minute of silence. Then an elderly Italian gentleman, looking down, tentatively raises his hand and says: "I tinka my wife caught a glimpse."