Thursday, March 22, 2012

Greetings Laff Lovers,

Well, they took former Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich to his new home in Colorado.

But don't feel too sorry for him. He is not going to be fighting gang members naked in the shower with a shiv made out of a sharpened toothbrush.

I think the worst hardship he is going to have to face at Englewood Federal Correctional Institution is getting on a waiting list for racquetball court time. And they only allow 16-inch softball.

What kind of life is that?

It's too bad they didn't send him to Terre Haute, Indiana. He could have been a legacy there, since former Illinois governor George Ryan at Terre Haute. And legacies usually get asked to pledge automatically, unless the pledge in question is a real closet case, like Ryan (who can name that movie?).

Anyway, between the in-house spa treatments, the softball games and the movie and book clubs, I'm sure Blago will learn that it is wrong to lie to, cheat, steal from and swindle the people he was elected to represent.

And that is justice.

Blindly,

TZ

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"Rick Santorum wants to crack down on pornography. Most political analysts say it could hurt him with the 'every single man in America' vote." -Jimmy Kimmel



As I performed a simple medical procedure on my patient, I warned her, "After this, you can't have sex for at least three days."

"Did you hear that?" she asked her husband. "No sex for three days."

"I heard," he said. "But she was speaking to you."



"Pope Benedict will visit Mexico this weekend. Historians say he will be the first Pope ever to attend spring break." -Jay Leno



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Two women were having lunch together, and discussing the merits of cosmetic surgery. The first woman says, "I need to be honest with you, I'm getting a boob job."

The second woman says "Oh that's nothing, I'm thinking of having my asshole bleached!"

To which the first replies, "Whoa, I just can't picture your husband as a blonde!"