Thursday, May 5, 2011

Greetings Laff Lovers,

I was talking with an older friend of mine who has been
struggling to come to terms with middle age.

"I'm really worried about myself," he said forlornly. "My
memory has always been a source of quiet pride to me, but
lately it's been failing me. I'm having a hard time
remembering things from the mundane to the major."

"I wouldn't worry too much about it," I said consolingly,
"sounds like you'll forget all about it tomorrow."

Lapsingly,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in
your family at this link: mailto:tz@gophercentral.com



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"I don't enjoy going to the doctor's office. Everything in
there is all sick and germy. It's like the hot tub from
'Jersey Shore.'" -Craig Ferguson



Somebody sent me this and I thought it was pretty interesting.

Why is an expensive but nonproductive possession called a
"white elephant"?

This is said to have originated with the king of Siam, who
supposedly gave white elephants to members of his court he
wished to ruin.

White elephants, at that time, were considered sacred and were
not allowed to do work, yet they still had to be fed and cared
for. Thus a possession that must be maintained at high cost
but that offers no productive output in return is said to be a
"white elephant."



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Guys are like buses...if you miss one, another will be along
soon.

Girls are like buses too...sometimes you just need one for a
quick ride.


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A guy starts a new job, and the boss says, "If you marry my
daughter, I'll make you a partner, give you an expense
account, a Mercedes, and a five hundred thousand dollar
annual salary."

The guy says, "What's wrong with her?"

The boss shows him a picture, and she's hideous.

The boss says, "It's only fair to tell you, she's not only
ugly, she's as dumb as a box of rocks."

The guy says, "I don't care what you offer me, it ain't worth
it."

The boss says, "Okay, I'll give you a million dollar salary
and build you a house on Long Island."

The guy accepts, figuring he can put a bag over her head when
they have sex.

About a year later, the guy buys an original Van Gogh and he's
about to hang it on the wall. He climbs a ladder and yells to
his wife, "Bring me a hammer."

She mumbles, "Get the hammer. Get the hammer," and she fetches
the hammer.

The guy says, "Get me some nails."

She mumbles, "Get the nails. Get the nails," and she gets him
some nails.

The guys starts hammering a nail into the wall, he hits his
thumb and yells, "Fuck!"

She mumbles, "Get the bag. Get the bag."


Email TZ at: mailto:tz@laffaday.com