Thursday, April 2, 2015

Greetings Laff Lovers,

A coworker was telling me about a family wedding he recently travelled out of state for.

"Ah, vacation sex," I said. "Nothing better than a good dose of vacation sex."

"Unfortunately, TZ, we didn't have sex," he said. "My wife was too uptight because her parents were in the room next door."

"Really?" I said flabbergasted. "What a waste. You know, now that I think of it my wife always attacks me when her father visit us. I mean she goes ape-shit, hog-wild. Screaming, bucking and carrying on calling me 'Daddy.' Hmm, very interesting that your wife isn't like that."

He was just kinda looking at me. "Yeah, TZ, 'very interesting.'"

"Thank God for Daddy issues," I said.

Oddly,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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"Rand Paul is taking a week-long break from talking to the media to spend time with his family before he officially announces that he is running for president. Because nothing motivates you to be on the road for two straight years like a week alone with your family." -Jimmy Fallon



Years ago, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming toward them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated.

They are no longer employed at Boeing.



"It's being reported that Kim Kardashian may be pregnant. Or maybe she was just standing backwards." -Seth Meyers



The only cow in a small town in Northern Italy stopped giving milk.

Then the town folk found they could buy a cow in Sicily quite cheaply.

So, they brought the cow over from Sicily.

It was absolutely wonderful. it produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy.

They bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows, so they'd never have to worry about their milk supply again.

They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull, and he was never able to do the deed.

The people were very upset and decided to go to the Vet, who was very wise, tell him what was happening and ask his advice.

"Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. If he attempts it from the one side, she walks away to the other side."

The Vet rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this before asking, "Did you by chance, buy this cow in Sicily?"

The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned that they had brought the cow over from Sicily.

"You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow from Sicily?

The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye: "My wife is from Sicily."