Monday, June 16, 2014

Greetings Laff Lovers,


"You don't know shit! Wait till you do something your kids don't agree with, like if your wife dies and you move away to marry another woman. And they won't talk to you on the phone, answer emails or texts, then see how you feel about them. I would give everything I have or will have if my daughter (48 years old) would talk to me again after 8 years of silence. She even told me she did not respect me, did not love me anymore and would be glad when I was dead. I'm 75 now so she won't have to much longer to wait. Love every moment you have with your children because each moment you have with them is a golden treasure and a blessing from God." -Depressed in Missouri


Dear Depressed,

You have moved me with your heart-felt story. So in order to share the love I will let you adopt one of my daughters. But you had better develop an appreciation for Justin Timberline. Oh, and you might want to up your car insurance because she just learned how to drive last year (sort of). Since she is going away to college in the fall you had better start setting some money aside for that too. On the plus side she will be able to help you solve any problems you might have since she somehow managed to learn everything there is to know in the last year or two.

Good luck and let me know how everything turns out!

Healingly,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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Women complain about sex more than men. Their gripes fall into two major categories:

(1) Not enough.
(2) Too much.



According to a new survey about sex, 51 percent of people said they would consider having sex for money if the amount offered was large enough.

The average woman said the amount would have to be at least $35,000.

The average man, on the other hand, said, "How much change do you have on you?"



Reasons To Like Beer by 7 Year Olds

A handful of 7 year old children were asked, 'what they thought of beer.' Some interesting responses, but the last one is especially touching.


7-year-old Tim- 'I think beer must be good. My dad says the more beer he drinks the prettier my mom gets.'

7-year-old Melanie - 'Beer makes my dad sleepy and we get to watch what we want On television when he is asleep, so beer is nice.

7-year-old Grady - 'My Mom and Dad both like beer. My Mom gets funny when she drinks it and takes her top off at parties, but Dad doesn't think this is very funny.'

7-year-old Toby - 'My Mom and Dad talk funny when they drink beer and The more they drink the more they give kisses to each other, which is a good thing.'

7-year-old Sarah - 'My Dad gets funny on beer. He is funny. He also wets his pants sometimes, so he shouldn't have too much.

7-year-old Lilly - 'My Dad loves beer. The more he drinks, the better he dances. One time he danced right into the pool.'

7-year-old Ethan - 'I don't like beer very much. Every time Dad drinks it, he burns the sausages on the barbecue and they taste disgusting.'

7-year-old Shirley - 'I give Dad's beer to the dog and he goes to sleep.'

7-year-old Jack - 'My Mom drinks beer and she says silly things and picks on my daddy. Whenever she drinks beer she yells at Dad and tells him to go bury his bone down the street again, but that doesn't make any sense.'