Thursday, July 24, 2014

Greetings Laff Lovers,

I saw Clean Laffs Joe furiously scratching lottery tickets at his desk today.

"You know you have as much chance of getting hit by lightning as you do of hitting the lottery," I offered helpfully.

"That's the Mega Millions," he answered, not even looking up. "These are instants. My chances of getting the jackpot are comparatively much better with these, at about 900,000 to one."

"Oh, so about as much of a chance as your wife actually being born a woman."

Statistically,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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"NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden is back in the news. He says the military at the NSA often shared nude photos that Americans had emailed to one another. So if your girlfriend won't send you naked pictures, just tell her, do it for the troops." -Conan O'Brien



A woman was in a sex boutique shopping for vibrators when the clerk said, "Perhaps you might be interested in this one. It's our most realistic model."

The woman said, "You mean it's shaped exactly like a man's penis?"

"No," the clerk replied, "I mean that after five minutes it goes soft for the rest of the night."



A man told a woman, "I would tell you a joke about my cock, but it is too long."

The woman tells him, "I would tell you a joke about my pussy, but you will never get it."



Each morning Jake would drive down Sunset Blvd. on his way to work. For the past year a pretty hooker standing on the corner of Sunset gave him the eye as he passed. Of late, she took to showing him parts of what he would get if he stopped to pick her up. Jake was a good husband and family man and didn't want to cheat on his wife. However, lately the hooker was looking so tempting, he could not get her out of his mind.

After spending many sleepless nights, he went to consult a psychiatrist. He told the psychiatrist she was driving him crazy, he was married 25 years, and did not want to cheat on his wife.

"What should I do?" asked Jake.

The psychiatrist said, "Take Melrose Avenue."