Thursday, October 29, 2009
Greetings Laff Lovers,
Last night the wife forced me to go to the pumpkin farm
with the kids. I enjoy carving pumpkins as much as the
next guy, but these pumpkin farms are a total scam. You
can get pumpkins just as big at the grocery store without
having for fork over an entrance fee and suffering through
your kids begging you for cotton candy and caramel corn
and everything else under the sun.
So we were at the farm, picking through the pumpkins, and
the kids just looked so darn cute I had to get a picture.
So I told them, "Everyone grab a pumpkin and put it on your
lap so I can take a picture!"
Obediently, my little son grabbed a pumpkin about half his
size and wrestled it onto his lap. My middle girl grabbed
a smaller, cute little pumpkin she could cradle in her
arms, but my older girl, instead of picking up a pumpkin,
looked around and innocently grabbed a large gourd shaped
exactly like a donkey dick (not that I've seen that many
donkey dicks, but I can imagine) and held it by the "shaft"
with both hands.
My wife gave a nervous giggle and turned around. I thought
about asking her to pick up something else for the photo,
but decided it wouldn't be worth coming up with an
explanation for why. So I took the picture.
I whispered to my wife, "At least we know she's hetero."
Freudianly,
TZ
Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in
your family at this link: mailto:tz@gophercentral.com
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"A new study found that women's faces age and wrinkle just
like their mothers. The study was conducted by the American
Society of Wrong Things to Say to Your Wife." -Jimmy Fallon
Ted Nugent was being interviewed by a British journalist.
The journalist asked, "What do you think the last thought
is in the head of a deer before you shoot it? Is it, 'Are
you my friend?' or is it, 'Are you the one who killed my
brother?'"
Nugent replied, "They aren't capable of that kind of
thinking. All they care about is, 'What am I going to eat
next, who am I going to screw next, and can I run fast
enough to get away.' They are very much like the French
in that way."
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The Nine Important Men In A Woman's Life
1. THE DOCTOR:
because he says, "Take your clothes off."
2. THE DENTIST:
because he says, "Open wide."
3. THE HAIRDRESSER:
because he says,"Do you want it teased or blown?".
4. THE MILKMAN:
because he says, "Do you want it in the front or the back?"
5. THE INTERIOR DECORATOR:
because he says, "Once it's in, you'll love it!"
6. THE STOCK BROKER:
because he says, "It will rise right up, fluctuate
for a while, and then slowly fall back again."
7. THE BANKER:
because he says, "If you take it out too soon,
you'll lose interest.
8. THE HUNTER:
because he goes deep in the bush, shoots twice, and
always eats what he shoots.
9. THE TELEPHONE GUY:
because he says, "Would you like it on the table or up
against the wall?
Email TZ at: mailto:tz@laffaday.com
P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the
new Laffaday forum here... http://laffaday.gophercentral.com
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