Monday, January 7, 2013

Greetings Laff Lovers,

I hired a friend of the family to do some painting in our house, and we were sitting having dinner when he asked my 17-year-old what she wanted to study in college.

"Nursing," she said. "I'd like to be a nurse."

"How wonderful," said my friend. "It takes a real special person to be a nurse and take care of people."

"Hmmm," I mused out loud. "I'm not sure about this nursing thing. It sounds expensive, and besides, I'm not sure you'd be willing to wipe people's asses. I'm not sure I'd want you wiping my ass."

"Don't worry I won't be wiping your ass," she said. "I'm sending you to a home."

"Reeeally?" I said.

"Yeah, really," she said. "I don't see me doing that for you."

Irritated, I got up, grabbed her arm and began dragging her upstairs.

"I don't want to wait until I'm old. You're gonna wipe my ass RIGHT NOW!"

She screamed, my wife shrieked, the painter said, "TZ, take it easy."

Then my 12-year-old son defused the situation by saying, "Don't worry, Dad. I'll wipe your ass."

Wipingly,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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"President Obama signed the new fiscal cliff tax increase into law while vacationing in Hawaii today. He used an autopen, an electronic way of signing your name when you're not even there. Politicians can now raise your taxes while they're on vacation in Hawaii. This is a Democrat's dream come true." -Jay Leno



The wife left a note on the fridge, "It's not working! I can't take it any more, I've gone to stay at my mother's!"

I opened the fridge, the light came on and the beer was cold...God only knows what she was talking about.



Roger had set a double date for himself and his friend Tony. Roger said, "Tony, I'll give you first choice. Let me tell you what the girls are like. Sandra has kind of a dumpy figure and is plain-looking, but she gives an incredible blowjob. Suzie is pretty and has a great pair of legs, which she likes to show off by wearing high heels all the time."

"Say no more," interrupted Tony. "I'll go for head over heels anytime."



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Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peter's Square.

The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone says 'Father'."

The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people say 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says 'Your Eminence'."

The fourth Catholic man says very proudly, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people say 'Your Holiness'."

Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"

She proudly replies, "I have a daughter. She's tall, 38D breasts, 24" waist and 36" hips. When she walks into a room, people say, 'Jesus Christ!'"