Thursday, January 7, 2016

Greetings Laff Lovers,

My New Year's Resolution was not to be so much of a pig. That lasted about 96 hours.

The other morning I ran into our Human Resources/Accounting girl and resident MILF in the office kitchen putting her lunch away in the fridge.

As she pulled a pear out of her purse I was struck with a moment of twisted genius. Before I could stop myself I said, "Hey, nice pair! And that piece of fruit looks pretty tasty too."

If we had any kind of a code of conduct around here I would be in real trouble. Well, maybe I'll start my resolution tomorrow.

Failingly,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives



"A new company is offering customers a chance to cut their hotel bills in half if they are willing to share their room with a stranger. The company is called Jose Cuervo." -Seth Meyers



A student asked his English professor, "What is the definition of a dilemma?"

The professor said, "Well, there's nothing better than an example to illustrate that.

"Imagine that you are lying naked in a big bed, flat on your back with a beautiful naked young woman on one side, and a horny naked gay man on the other.

"Now, which one are you going to turn your back on?"



"China's new law allowing couples to have two children instead of just one went into effect in the new year. So if you thought you felt an earthquake, don't worry - it was just a billion people being told they were allowed to have unprotected sex at the exact same moment." -Jimmy Fallon



A dog lover, whose bitch was 'in heat' agreed to look after her neighbor's male dog while they were away on holiday.

She had a large house and believed that she could keep them apart, but as she was drifting off to sleep one night, she heard awful howling sounds. She rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together, in obvious stress and unable to disengage, as can sometimes happen when they mate.

She was unable to separate them and was worried as what to do next. Although it was late at night, she called the Vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice.

Having explained the problem to him, the Vet advised, "Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the sound of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and be able to withdraw."

"Do you think that will work?" she asked doubtfully.

"Why not? It just did for me." He replied.