Friday, October 16, 2009
Greetings Laff Lovers,
"You need better vision," Magilla told me in front of a bunch
of people.
"Yeah, my prescription is a couple of years old..."
"Not sight, you ignoramous. Vision. As in creatively picturing
the future and having the faith to persevere with what you've
imagined." He continued, "Helen Keller said, 'The greatest
tragedy in life is people who have sight but no vision.' How's
your vision, TZ? Do you see what needs to be seen?"
I said, "I've seen you in the shower after playing racquetball,
and it blurred my vision. That was also the point in my life
that I discovered compassion...I really felt sorry for your
wife."
"Ha ha, TZ," he said. "Orville and Wilbur Wright were very
excited on December 17, 1903. They had finally succeeded in
keeping their homemade airplane in the air for 59 seconds.
Immediately, they rushed a telegram to their sister in Dayton,
Ohio, telling of this great accomplishment. The telegram read,
'First sustained flight today fifty-nine seconds. Hope to be
home by Christmas.'
"Upon receiving the news of the successful flight," Magilla
continued, "their sister was so excited that she rushed to the
newspaper office and gave the telegram to the editor. The next
morning the newspaper headed the story:
'Popular Local Bicycle Merchants To Be Home For Holidays.'
"That's you, TZ," he said with pity. "You are the editor."
"Wow, thanks, boss!" I said. "Thanks for the promotion!"
Blindly,
TZ
Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in
your family at this link: mailto:tz@gophercentral.com
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"The Greatest Happiness is to scatter your enemy and drive
him before you. To see his cities reduced to ashes. To see
those who love him shrouded and in tears. And to gather to
your bosom his wives and daughters." --Genghis Khan
Maurie was not having a good day on the golf course. After he
missed a twelve inch putt, his partner asked him what the
problem was.
"It's the wife," said Maurie. "As you know, she's taken up
golf, and since she's been playing she's cut my sex down to
once a week."
"Well you should think yourself lucky," said his partner,
"she's cut some of us out altogether."
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"The majority never has right on its side. Never, I say! That
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to rebel against. Who makes up the majority in any given
country? Is it the wise men or the fools? I think we must
agree that the fools are in a terrible overwhelming majority,
all the wide world over. But, damn it, it can surely never
be right that the stupid should rule over the clever!
--Henrik Ibsen (1828-1906), An Enemy of the People
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Two Rednecks, Larry and Doug, are sitting at their favorite
bar, drinking beer. Larry turns to Doug and says, "You know,
I'm tired of going through life without an education.
Tomorrow I think I'll go to the Community College and sign
up for some classes."
Doug thinks it's a good idea and the two leave. The next day,
Larry goes down to the college and meets Dean of Admissions,
who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English,
History, and Logic.
"Logic?" Larry says. "What's that?"
The dean says, "I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed
eater?"
"Yeah."
"Then logically speaking, because you own a weed eater, I
think that you would have a yard."
"That's true, I do have a yard."
"I'm not done," the dean says. "Because you have a yard, I
think logically that you would have a house."
"Yes, I do have a house."
"And because you have a house, I think that you might
logically have a family."
"Yep, I have a family alright."
"I'm not done yet.. Because you have a family, then
logically you must have a wife. And because you have a wife,
then logic tells me you must be a heterosexual."
"I am a heterosexual! That's amazing, you were able to find
out all of that because I have a weed eater."
Excited to take the class now, Larry shakes the Dean's hand
and leaves to go meet Doug at the bar. He tells Doug about
his classes, how he is signed up for Math, English, History,
and Logic.
"Logic?" Doug says, "What's that?"
Larry says, "I'll give you an example. Do you have a weed
eater?"
"Nope."
"Yer a homo, ain't ya?"
Email TZ at: mailto:tz@laffaday.com
P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the
new Laffaday forum here... http://laffaday.gophercentral.com
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*** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***
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