Sunday, November 22, 2015

Greetings Laff Lovers,

I finally got one of those iPhones that interact with you. It practically eliminates the need to type anything. It'll write your texts and emails, as well as read them to you. It'll perform your searches and guide you to wherever it is you ask it to take you. It will honestly try to answer your questions...so what are some questions that we hope a little artificial intelligence can spread some light on? Here's my quick list:

1. Is the female orgasm a myth?
2. If the answer is "yes", can you please tell my wife?
3. If the answer is "no", then does the G-spot really exist?
4. Really?
5. What's my prom date from 1982 doing now? Why did she throw up after I kissed her?
6. Does size matter, or is it really the motion of the ocean that counts?
7. What's the best way to convince a woman that anal sex will make her lose weight?
8. Send my wife an email saying that fellatio will cure her TMJ.
9. What's the best way to fool a woman into falling in love with you?
10. Is the federal reserve bank the root of all evil?

I'll have more questions once I get my own phone in.

Curiously,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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"Florida police arrested a woman this weekend in a storage unit facility after she had assaulted her husband during an argument over which sex position is best. She had argued for missionary, while he had argued for 'in a storage facility.'" -Seth Meyers



There I was standing in a bar in New York and this little Chinese guy comes in and stands next to me.

I said to him, "Do you know any of that martial arts stuff, like Kung-Fu, Karate or Ju-Jitsu?"

He says, "No, why the fluck you ask me dat, is it coz I Chinee?"

"No", I said, "It's because you're drinking my beer you slanty eyed little prick."



"President Obama is overseas this week joining other world leaders in Turkey for the G-20 summit. Which is unusual, because normally when people are gathered around Turkey debating Obama, it's just a bunch of drunk uncles at Thanksgiving." -Jimmy Fallon



This guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is very dead and the guy panics. He thinks the neighbors are going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed-up rabbit into the house, gives it a bath, blow-dries its fur, and puts the rabbit back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping that they will think it died of natural causes.

A few days later, the neighbor is outside and asks the guy, "Did you hear that Fluffy died?"

The guy stumbles around and says, "Um.. no.. um.. what happened?"

The neighbor replies, "We just found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after the kids buried him in the backyard we went outside and someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There are some real sick bastards out there!"