Thursday, September 11, 2014

Greetings Laff Lovers,

Clean Laffs Joe was talking about his upcoming move out of his condo and into an actual house, and it reminded me of the time I helped move a friend of mine into a new apartment. He didn't have much stuff and by the time I got there with the borrowed van most of it was at the curb.

"Hey, good job, dickhead," I said as a greeting. "I was dreading schlepping your worthless garbage down three flights of stairs."

With that I bent down to pick up a box labeled 'Books'. I braced myself for a heavy lift but the box was light as a feather.

"What the fuck! I almost threw out my back because I thought this was going to be heavy," I said as I opened the box. "There are only two books in this huge box!"

"Yeah," he said, "I don't want the neighbors to think I'm illiterant."

"It's 'illiterate' asshole, and you are."

Then I bent to pick up a box labeled 'Towels' and it weighed a ton. I opened it and it was filled with VHS cassettes of porn.

"Now I understand why you can't read."

Humpingly,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives



"Reportedly the identity of Jack the Ripper, who killed five people in London, finally has been revealed. After hearing about it, the commissioner of the NFL suspended him for two games." -Conan O'Brien



On the Upper West Side of NYC lived an assimilated Jew who was now a very militant atheist. But he sent his son to Trinity School because, despite its denominational roots, it's a great school, and completely secular.

After a month, the boy comes home and says casually, "By the way Dad, do you know what Trinity means? It means the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost."

The father can barely control his rage. He seizes his son by the shoulders and declares, "Danny, I'm going to tell you something now and I want you never to forget it. There is only one God... and we don't believe in him!"



I was banging this sweet MILF over her kitchen table when we heard the front door open.

She said, "It's my husband! Quick, try the back door!"

Thinking back, I really should have ran - but you don't get offers like that every day.



Anyone who's ever been to a "teaching hospital" knows to expect a group of students to descend upon them at any time. At one such hospital, in the recovery room, a bunch of students gathered around a beautiful blonde who, even in a gown, was obviously very well endowed.

Recovery is an excellent place for student doctors to become familiar with variations in heartbeats while the body comes back to normal from the operation and the anesthesia.

The first student approached the patient calmly and proceeded to listen intently to her heartbeat through the stethoscope.

The group was silent as he did so. The woman hesitated, then looked sympathetically into the eyes of the doctor-to-be. Reaching up, she gently placed the earpieces into his ears.