Thursday, December 19, 2013

Greetings Laff Lovers,

It's getting close to the holiday and our annual week off, so everybody in the office is getting a little rambunctious. Unfortunately I fell victim.

My goofy desk only fits in my office one way and it causes me to have my back to the door as I use my computer. This morning I was deep into a game of Solitaire when I heard a strange sound. It was the low, guttural sound of some rabid critter or other.

My first thought was that some angry rodent was about to bite my nuts off. Anticipating mighty pain, I quickly pushed in my keyboard tray as I snapped my legs shut. I looked down completely expecting to see something ready to pounce on my sack.

That's when Clean Laffs Joe started laughing harder than he ever had before, and I realized he got me. It took him a full 45 seconds before he could stand upright and breathe again. Tears were streaming down his face and he wiped them with his sleeve.

"I thought a squirrel was about to rip my balls off," I said.

He began to laugh uncontrollably again but managed to squeak out, "I...I...I... thought you were joking. But when I realized...A sq...sq...squirrel, you say?"

It-could-happen-ly,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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I love CHRISTMAS LIGHTS,
They remind me of some co-workers.
They all hang together, half of the fuckers don't work, and the ones that do aren't that bright.



This guy goes into the doctor's office. The doctor comes in and says "What's the problem today?"

The guy whips out his penis and says, "Well, doc, I'd like you to take a look at this."

The doctor washes his hands, goes over to the guy and checks out his package thoroughly.

The doctor steps back puzzled. "I can't find anything wrong with it."

The guy says proudly while zipping his fly. "I know! Ain't it a dandy!"



The other day, I was approached by a hooker. She asked, "How 'bout a nice, relaxing blow job, honey? Only $50."

"No way!" I responded. "I'm married!"

"So? What difference does that make?" asked the hooker.

"The difference is...my wife will do it for $20."



Whether a woman fakes her orgasms or not is something the majority of men would rather not question. This is in case they discovered that she has been faking it all along, and that they are not, in fact, the stud they thought women go wild for. Rather, they are a pathetic creature with a problem, who needs to be patronized.

For those of you who would prefer not to ask her, but would still like to know, there is a simple checklist to help you.

1. In the middle of lovemaking, and just before the moment it sounds as though she is about to have an orgasm, stop and take away the magazine she's been looking at. If she says, "Dammit, I was reading that!" she was faking.

2. If her panting, groaning and screaming are in tune, or sound like a familiar song, she can't be concentrating enough on the "job at hand," and must therefore be faking it. Or else she really likes the song playing on her iPod.

3. A rule of thumb, which is usually very accurate, is: stop at random and record her response. If every time you stop she says, "Mmmmm, you were wonderful, baby," she is faking it. If she says, "Don't stop!" she isn't. However, if she says "Don't stop!" hours after lovemaking has finished, it is possible that she may have fallen asleep, and missed most of the excitement. Remember these guidelines for future reference.